Am I Better Because of Poker: Psychological

How do you know if it is all slipping away?

This is the eighth part of a series where I am examining all parts of my life and how poker has impacted it. The criteria I will use in looking at this question include all parts of my life:

• Spiritual
• Financial
• Career
• Physical Fitness
• Marital Relationship
• Parent
• Intellectual
• Friendship
• Psychological

We hear about the conditions of the mind normally on a television crime show or at some parent gathering. Schizophrenia. ADD. Bipolar. OCD. When I was born, these words didn’t exist for adults. There were different terms to describe someone’s situation with different treatments. The blues. Nerves. He drinks too much. He’s rough with his wife.

I have a history of compulsive behavior, stress, and depression in my family. I’ve never investigated it too much as I probably don’t want to know too much. I think I am light years ahead of having a problematic condition with these, although I have my radar up looking for early warning signs.

Poker could seemingly have a big impact on this, driving me toward depression, hovering around an activity that could feed this compulsive thirst that my mind has. For whatever reason, I’ve never really had a typical gambler mentality. I’m not a big loss chaser for the most part, although I’ve had a handful of occasions where I jumped up in stakes and lost more. I think of a compulsive gambler as someone who is stealing from his or her finances to chase the next big score. It is probably the least understood concept in the eyes of the non-gambler, that of a poker player’s steadfastness with bankroll management.

As has been for much of this self examination, poker is more of a placeholder. It seems to be an escape from me and the wanderings of my mind rather than a driver toward a more negative place. It isn’t always so. Poker does have a positive or negative influence on my makeup, less so than a year ago but unquestionably still there. It has more of a negative impact, no question, but it doesn’t drive me to melancholy or a funk. It has, and it isn’t a healthy situation, and I’m glad it seems to be behind me certainly.

Richard Ford has written about this, and my favorite author Walker Percy brought it to life for us: the malaise of the inconsequential man. For the physician, it is about discovering the current chemical makeup of the brain and adjusting it to a proper formula. For the psychologist, it is about finding the underlying reasons that have brought someone to their current place and making a path to a more controlled state. Some are in search of their individual answer to the question “What will my mark be on this place? Can I achieve greatness?”

For me, it is more being stuck in an eddy, outside of the stream of life. It is easy to look back on why and how my career has been diverted, although it is more wallowing then constructive evaluation. No, poker is really a red herring in my life, an easy mark to lay blame for the condition of my psyche when it hits a valley. It would be nice if we were so simple, yet we are the most complex of beasts.

Am I better because of poker? I think it is a mixed bag. It is a time consuming hobby, especially if you want to be good at it. Online play can be very insular and socially separating, and I think it’s important for me to find other ways to people. I have a greater pool of friends with the potential for some lasting, deeper relationships. It’s been a benign hobby financially as it has been cash flow positive for me in the last year. By and large, it has been away for me to spend some time escaping some of the more difficult decisions I need to make in my life.
But there is a way out of this, for me and for all of us. These life factors that I’ve looked at, these are the parameters for one’s life for the most part. In business, the success of strategy relies on a few things: the data used to develop a strategy, a proper examination of options, determining a goal with supporting tactics (investment, actions, resource allocation), then execution of the plan. Execution is often the key to success and failure in any long-term plan. Eight seems like alot, and it may be a bit overkill. Pick a couple of these to get started. Collect your data, and work with your spouse or loved one or a friend to determine where you are and to brainstorm where you want to be in 12-36 months. Decide on your goals in these areas, then determine a way to keep track of your progress. Make the goals visible, just like you would your bankroll. Look hard at each goal every three months, then make an adjustment accordingly. You’ll be amazed at what you accomplish.

Email me at csquard@gmail.com with your thoughts or if you’d like to chat about how you can take the next steps to lay out goals in these parts of your life. As always, email me or leave any comments that you like.

CC’s Thursday Bash is back tomorrow at 9:30PM on PokerStars (password: pokerworks). Hope to see a big crowd tomorrow night, and thanks for dropping by.