Finale

This is my last post at PokerWorks. My departure is a bit complicated.

I started my blog after I started playing poker. Not many people noticed, but Linda was one of the few who did. I started writing some articles in the spring of 2006 for PokerWorks, then that summer she invited me to move my blog to PokerWorks. Eventually, I wrote 275 articles for PokerWorks, including coverage of the WSOP in 2006 and 2007 as well as many interviews. I’m most proud of some of the interviews I did, including those with Jason Strasser, Jeff Williams, Liz Lieu, Chris Moneymaker, Greg Raymer, Mike Sexton, Nolan Dalla, Juan Carlos Mortensen, Vince Van Patten, and Charlie Hyde. You can read those and others at the link above.

Poker has been a strange mistress for me. It opened up a whole new world within me and to me. Some people have said that I can write, which I’d never tried to do and never claimed to excel at. There are many people who are much more talented than I in this industry, and I’ve benefited greatly from reading their work and working with them. To Amy and IGGY especially, I simply wish that we had been able to work more closely more often.

Yet this mistress has changed me, and I’m afraid it hasn’t been for the better. I don’t mean poker itself, a distraction filled with frustration and repeated horrific decisions by myself and those others at the tables. No, I mean the broader poker industry. I have tried many times to see if my capabilities could be focused to help in some way, but I haven’t been able to crack to code on how to do that. With that, I need to put my involvement in poker to the side.

There are many people to thank along the way, and I’ll list a few of those here in no particular order: Felicia, Carmen, drizz, Hoy, cmitch, potcommitted, Pauly, Wes, Mook, MiamiDon, Zeem, Ken Prevo, lucko, sprstoner, BadBlood, skidoo, surf, Mean Gene, luckbox, Jordan, Joe Speaker, Dr. Chako, Matt Matros, Haley, Guin, Rav, slb, Veneno, TripJax, the Surly Gnome, Pokerkat, Aaron, Kat, April, smokkee, Falstaff, Iak, willwonka, Wicked Chops, Maudie, jusdealem, bayne, kajagugu, Mark Phillipo, Jason Ackerman, Dan at Pokerati, Johnny, Dan England, AlCantHang, Deborah, and Waffles. Special thanks to Fuel, my bestest poker buddy, and to Otis. Thanks to both, and let me know if I can ever do anything. To Liz Lieu, thanks for letting me into your life and to be your buddy. To Nolan and Gary, I enjoyed working with you immensely. I only wish I could have done more.

Linda has been gracious enough to become a friend of mine, and I don’t throw that word around. She always encouraged me and supported me, regardless of the situation. I know PokerWorks has a great future as she’s allowed to focus on it full time, and I can’t wait to see how it develops.

The name of my blog has been Quest of a Closet Poker Player. Not very catchy, I’ll admit, but telling as to who I am and the journey I’ve been in. Unfortunately, I think poker has been a metaphor for a broader searching that I’m still in the midst of. I think I have alot to offer this world, and it is time that I figure out how best to do that.

I’m not quite sure what that will mean for me. I’ll post updates on my old home. I won a banner by knocking Mook out of his event, so I might change the look a bit. I might build a new home, but that will be a good place to find out about any of that. I enjoyed my experiments with vlogs and plan to do that more regularly. I’ll get a vlog up tomorrow and work on my channel, and I think there is some way you can subscribe to it (not sure how exactly). I’m also on MySpace, although I’m not exactly sure what I’m supposed to be doing there. Exactly. You can always email me at csquard@gmail.com as well. I’ll still be around, and I still want to take down the Mook, so you may find me there or at the MATH or Al’s tourneys. I may even sneak to Vegas in a few weeks if possible.

I’ve struggled with the fundamental question: Am I better because of poker? Unfortunately, I think it has been the wrong, distracting question. The more fundamental question for me should be: Am I better? The answer the last eighteen months or more is no. It’s time for me to get better and starting being better. I have many gifts, and I want to live a life fulfilled rather than an accidental existence.