Change100 at PokerWorks

** Warning: This post contains bad beat stories. Then again, if you’re still reading me after all this time, you’re probably OK with that, since I never win at poker and I always aim to tell them in at least a semi-entertaining manner. **

I was standing in line at Subway yesterday, waiting for my sandwich to be ready when a thought flickered into my head.

“I’d like to play a MTT or two while I eat this sandwich back at my apartment. It’s almost 2:00 so something must be starting on one of those fine online sites where I have less than enough money left to cover one night’s hotel stay at the Red Rock Casino.”

Of course, something was starting– a $16.50 360-player NLHE MTT on Stars. I registered for that and one of my usual $20+2 NLHE SNGs on Full Tilt. The SNG started first. I got KK on the third hand and raised to 100 from UTG+1. The button moved all in and I called. If he has aces there, so be it but most of the time I’m doubling up. He had QQ. Q on the flop and I was -$22 in only about three and a half minutes. It was so ridiculous and happened so quickly I didn’t even have time to tilt.

The Stars MTT started next and I folded four hands before picking up 22 in the SB. Someone raised to 70 from EP and everyone and their momma called, including me. The flop was a sexy 2-8-J rainbow. I checked, some other people checked, the original raiser bet 300, some other people folded, the button called the 300 and I re-raised to 900. After a 30 second think, the original raiser folded and the guy next to him pushed.

I was already committed to this pot with my set and only had something like 530 more behind but took a few seconds to at least try and put this guy on a hand. It’s the fourth hand of the tournament so I don’t have a read on anyone. J-J, 8-8, or an overpair are certainly possible, but his position made me think he would have re-raised hands like those pre-flop to weed out some of the 58 callers of the initial 70 chip raise. And if it’s set over set, so be it. I’m in fantastic shape against something like J-8, and since the original raiser took so long to fold to my re-raise, he could have easily had top pair, good kicker– something like Q-J, K-J or A-J– so one of his few outs could be dead as well. The only other hand I could think he might have was something like 9-T suited, and I’m 3-1 over that as well. Bottom line… it was a trivially easy call and I made it.

He showed 9-T offsuit. K on the turn, Q on the river and I was out in 351st place of 360. My head spun. Two down in less than 5 minutes.

I’d already hopped into a second $22 SNG by then and was just wondering how I’d be knocked out of this one. Only took another 10 minutes for my A-K to fall to 9-9. Can’t win a hand, not as a 4-1 fave, not as a 3-1 fave, and certainly not as a 47-53 dog.

For the morbidly curious among you who enjoy following my frequent losing streaks, those were the 15th and 16th SNGs I’ve dropped in a row and I have like 89 bucks left on Full Tilt. I had over 500 on there less than a week ago. If Versace made tin foil hats, I’d invest in one.

The state of my game? It’s fucked.

There are some poker bloggers out there that don’t write about anything except how hard they crush the online mid-limit NL games. While many of them offer thoughtful, measured analysis of their play, others are just exceedingly proud of themselves and post hand history after hand history gloating about how much money they win.

I’d love to know how that feels. To win real money at poker. To sit down with the comfort of a bankroll behind and not have to worry about going broke within a couple of buy-ins. So many of my friends can do just that. They’ve built themselves five-figure rolls and are moving up consistently. They’ve kept with the skill pace of the poker boom and after looking over my results from the last few months, I can’t help feeling that I’ve been lapped.

With the pittance I have left online after this disastrous last couple of weeks, it almost doesn’t make sense for me to play on the internet anymore. I’m sick to death of grinding these low limit SNGs for pennies. And dropping down to something like $.50-1 LHE or O8? I think that would just be a colossal waste of my time. I feel like a hamster in a wheel… never going anywhere. And tournaments? Don’t even talk to me about tournaments. Looking at my records for the last month that show me busting 10 of 11 times on a 3-1 favorite or better just makes me want to throw up.

I’m a straight across the board loser online this year. SNGs, cash, MTTs, satellites. I’m sure most of it is my own fault. But god damn if I don’t feel like I’m in some sort of alternative mathematical universe right now. At least I know I’m not alone there. In that universe, Grubby and I can play heads-up Chinese and neither of us will ever make as much as a pair.

Last week at Red Rock the only poker I played was just the same $4-8 limit hold’em game I’ve played in L.A. and Vegas for years now. I’ve never had the roll to ever move up from those stakes live. I don’t even have the roll to PLAY those stakes right now, but I still feel 100% comfortable when I sit down in that game. After not playing live cash games for such an extended period of time, it was amazing to see just how much easier limit hold’em was for me live. I made good reads. I knew where I was at. I felt like the best player at the table. I don’t ever feel like that online anymore. Online I know most of my opponents have data-mined or SharkScoped my play and I’m handicapped before I’m even dealt a hand. Many others read my blogs, get all the information they need from posts like this, and delight in coming after me. Perhaps my best +EV online right now would be a screen-name change.

But here’s the thing. I live in Los Angeles. In that sense, I’m one lucky bitch. I SHOULD be playing live. I SHOULD be at Commerce or Hollywood Park once a week or so grinding it out. If insanity is repeating the same action over and over again expecting a different result, perhaps the most sane decision I could make at this juncture of my poker journey is to get off the internet and into the cardroom after building and losing bankroll after bankroll online. Because I know I’m a fundamentally sound player. I’ve read and re-read all the fucking books. I just can’t seem crack the internet, even three years in.

I’ve always thought my biggest strength as a poker player was making good reads. When it comes to online poker, I’m pretty sure my hand is beat and I’m going to save the chips I have left. There are plenty of great players out there who openly admit that they can’t win online. Jennifer Harman. Mike Matusow. Daniel Negreanu. It’s not that I’ll cease playing online altogether– I do still have a little money on both Poker Stars and Full Tilt, but the thought of having to go back and build up a roll from less than $300 makes me want to run a warm bath and slit my wrists.

If what I have left online goes poof, I’m not going to rush to re-deposit. A#1, I don’t have the cash flow to do that right now and B#2, I have a small amount of ad and affiliate money that I can count on seeing from both those sites each month so I suppose I’ll never be completely broke online. Look, I haven’t played my last Stars tournament or Full Tilt SNG so try not to bust my balls if you see me playing in one. I just think it would be more constructive for my game, the bankroll I have left, and the way I need to manage my time while I’m in L.A. and working on my script to concentrate on playing live. And if things work out the way I hope they do on the freelance poker writing end of things, I’ll be spending a significant amount of time in Las Vegas this spring and summer. So I won’t have time to donk around online anyway.

I hope my next session report to you all will be about tilting grumpy old Asian men in the Commerce $4-8 or witnessing a fist-fight on the floor at Hollywood Park (it wouldn’t be the first time). Because I’m taking that last bunch of $100 bills I’ve kept hidden in a drawer in case of an earthquake or the apocalypse and I’m hitting the freeway…

This entry was posted on Thursday, March 29th, 2007 at 10:40 am and is filed under Uncategorized.