Chasing Chris Ferguson

Even though I hate the Card Fairy, and I want to chop up a deck of Kem Cards and light them on fire as I blast them out of a cannon, there’s really nothing wrong with my sense of humor and the poker groove. I just do not catch cards - no human card rack here - no matter the game, I pick up the opposite of what I’m playing. Holdem finds me drawing 2-3, 6-4, 9-2, blah, blah. Razz finds me drawing J-J-10, A-K-Q, K-K-J, and the cycle doesn’t change much.

Ok…I accept it, I just have to have more discipline than the average donktard when it comes to poker. I can’t gamble. I can’t throw all my money in with a four flush and a straight draw and two over cards because I’m not going to make jack shit out of every 40 times I play the hand. Not a problem. I get the picture. I know how it flows. I go with the game with a few intermixed exchanges of swearing and having a fit in the privacy of the coach - sharing most of my frustration with Glenda because we are rousting around PokerStars at the same time of night and playing ring games and tournaments at the same time. It’s fun to have an online buddy that you can chat with and share beats/wins with while you run the gauntlet of donktards that are trying to do the same thing we are…WIN!

But in the mix of it all, there are some very fun moments.

Late - or early - or however you chose to view it, Glenda pinged me and said she was in a 7 card stud 8 game with clearspine and I should join them. I really was exhausted and not in the mood to do anything as I had a work load to finish before sleep but I signed up. When I hit the game, I started the chat with this: “blog fodder” TaxWizard was in rare form, I had a four flush and four straight draw in four, made the flush with 3 way action, he said first that Glenda was a donkey and then changed it to PokerWorks was the donkey. clearspine jumped in with the fact that I was a well respected Bellagio poker dealer and had a great website…but I didn’t play poker very well. I agreed. That was funner than some chats I’ve seen. TaxWizard had a love to hate thing going on with Glenda. I couldn’t stay long, won a few $$ and hit the road.

I had played another tournament earlier, in which I was the true bubble donkette. Early on I picked up enough chips to put me in contention to cash. One hand found me with Q-J on the button, I flopped queens, another player had 6-7 or something close and the flop was Q-6-7, when he bet the flop, I raised it, he called. The turn was a 4, and he ended up all-in. The River was a 4 and I won the pot. This first part of this chat is from a disgruntled, busted player the hand before:

g8rgrad97 [observer]: I lost on the river and you say I ’sucked out’
g8rgrad97 [observer]: you’re funny
gingerweasel: um, nope. obviously you didn’t suck out, or you wouldn’t have lost
gingerweasel: go away now

This chat is for me - because I beat Mr. Two Pair Astrix1

Astrix1 [observer]: nice scuk out@
PokerWorks: thank you
PokerWorks: why is a loser can’t just leave gracefully?
Astrix1 [observer]: i said my peace later donk
banx: it helps the grieving process
PokerWorks: donkette to you, buddy
PokerWorks: I have a big pink bow on my ears.

I don’t believe anyone thought it was fun that I had a big pink bow on my ears. A few hands later, one of the players that had a Tom of Tom and Jerry cat fame as his avatar, raised all-in with a donkey hand and won the pot. He typed in the chat that he was just trying get out of there.

I typed, “Put the mouse down now and walk away. No one will get hurt.”

I don’t think anyone thought that was funny either. I did…hell…I still do.

As tournaments go, I went into the dead zone, never make a hand, never play a hand. As we got down to the final nitty gritty, I had so few chips left I would make one more orbit. I looked at Q-9 of spades…aghhhh….double aghhhh…it was the biggest hand I’d seen in three weeks. A guy in front of me raised, another called…I pitched. I would have won that hand with a pair of Queens. The very next hand I picked up K-Q diamonds. Sorry kids, I didn’t play all that way just to try to win $5. I pushed. Unfortunately the guy right behind me had Aces. I flopped a Q but can’t seem to put the redraw on them that they do on me when I have Aces.

It was a ‘we are hand for hand now, the next hand will be dealt when all….” I had to sit through the torture of seeing if I made the $. It took about five minutes…swear to God…and I didn’t. I was the bubble. Oh well…another day.

This entry was posted on Saturday, June 28th, 2008 at 9:58 pm and is filed under Uncategorized.