that they have allowed the Card Fairy free reign to fuck with me? No. If you followed my play closely, you would see that I am set upon by monsters that are unseen and twists of fate that would point at cheating but it is only the Card Fairy spinning her ugly web as she pounds me into mortal hamburger, removing all semblance of human flesh, ripping out the cartilage and bone that was once the fiber of my structure and held me together, now only my inexhaustible, undefeatable spirit roams the green felt tables of cyberspace.
What did I just say there?
I’M GETTING THE SHIT BEAT OUT OF ME AGAIN!
The hands have been a repeater of the last four to five months of play. I often wonder if anyone at PokerStars support ever reads the Player Notes that one ID leaves, they must die laughing if they do. Will they someday be published somewhere for the world to see them in the cyber felt annals of Notes? Like will the government confiscate them and search through them for espionage and use them as another reason to add more control because we are gambling sickos that swear? We could counter back that they are therapy and we aren’t hurting anyone, huddled behind our monitors, blasting out obscenities at our beats.
My note taking sometimes consists of very detailed hand play, including the blinds, what position the fucking donkey was in, and the action. Some of my note taking is strictly a crying, potty mouth tirade. I’m sure if aliens analyzed my notes, they would think that Fuck was close to the only word I knew how to spell and type…however, if they are Poker Playing Aliens, they would completely understand and elbow each other as they laughed appreciatively about how freely I used it.
Check out this hand, it knocked me out of three tournaments:
10FPP Hold’em No Limit – Level I (10/20) – 2008/10/23 22:45:03 ET
Table ’111468727 79′ 9-max Seat #4 is the button
Seat 1: packitinnow (1440 in chips)
Seat 2: PokerWorks (1360 in chips)
Seat 3: shrtnhry (1470 in chips)
Seat 4: magnatecapo (3280 in chips)
Seat 5: jayzhome (1400 in chips)
Seat 6: jdquik (1700 in chips)
Seat 7: JBluff23 (1120 in chips)
Seat 8: momo157 (1710 in chips)
jayzhome: posts small blind 10
jdquik: posts big blind 20
*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to PokerWorks [Ah Ac]
JBluff23: calls 20
momo157: calls 20
packitinnow: calls 20
PokerWorks: raises 180 to 200
shrtnhry: calls 200
magnatecapo: folds
jayzhome: folds
jdquik: folds
JBluff23: calls 180
momo157: folds
packitinnow: folds
*** FLOP *** [2h As 6c]
JBluff23: checks
PokerWorks: bets 340
shrtnhry: folds
JBluff23: calls 340
*** TURN *** [2h As 6c] [Ts]
JBluff23: checks
PokerWorks: bets 460
JBluff23: raises 120 to 580 and is all-in
PokerWorks: calls 120
*** RIVER *** [2h As 6c Ts] [5c]
*** SHOW DOWN ***
JBluff23: shows [3s 4s] (a straight, Deuce to Six)
PokerWorks: shows [Ah Ac] (three of a kind, Aces)
JBluff23 collected 2510 from pot
PokerWorks is sitting out
I didn’t even NOTE JBluff23, I simply closed the PokerStars client and dumped out of 2 other tournaments I was playing in – that’s how this hand knocked me out of three tournaments. If I noted him (yes, I hope he visits/googles his online name/reads), it would have been something like, Fuckball happened to know what cards were coming off of the fucking deck, that’s why he fucking check raised me for the last of his fucking chips with fucking 4 high.
The funniest part of the whole thing is I wasn’t mad. I just shut out poker for awhile and did something else. But I will put JBluff23 on my Player List. Not because I’m dying to play with him but I would definitely be happy to if the opportunity ever arises. And the next time I play cards with him, I will note him. It will probably be something like, Dear God, please never let this guy lose his job or run out of money or piss his mom off so she won’t give him poker funds.
Did you think Grandmoms didn’t swear? HAHAHAHAAAA-HAHAHAHAH! I love to swear. I don’t swear around my grandkids and in certain gatherings and around certain people. It’s not necessary to swear to get your point across.
Sometimes it just feels so damn good to curse! And that’s why I love online poker…you can rant and rave and no one is offended by your ranting, especially when you live alone. And poker players are the ones that taught me everything I know in Potty Mouth 101.
Right now I’m trying to win a piece of Pete Eastgate in a FPP buy-in tourney. G’luck, potty mouth Grandmom!