Michael Craig's Journal

Good news, everybody! While I am investigating what happened to my November 13, 2006, post titled, “The Short, Brief Life of Pamela Anderson’s Poker Site,” the alchemists at Google have retrieved it. Try as Iggy and Kid Rock might, they were no match for the awesome, lordly power of the Internet Search Engine. To me, Google’s stock is a bargain at $500 per share.

Here is the reprint of the post - it should be embarrassingly obvious by now that I don’t routinely save copies of my posts; I actually do, but not every time I enter them on the web site. We don’t know for sure, but this post MAY have broken up the marriage of Kid Rock and Pamela Anderson, and its tampering MAY set in motion an uncontrollable series of events that could lead to Jennifer Tilly kneecapping Iggy.

From November 13, 2006 - THE SHORT, BRIEF LIFE OF PAMELA ANDERSON’S POKER SITE

Blink and you might have missed it. Pamelapoker.com, Pamela Anderson’s online poker site, lasted less than four months from launch to termination, which I think is the over/under for her marriage. (Thanks to Amy Calistri for pointing out the site’s demise. I almost missed that.)

I remember, in the olden days of the 2006 World Series of Poker, Pamela Anderson announcing that she was starting an online poker site. I should have known that the apocalypse, at least for poker, was drawing nigh. If Pamela Anderson could make money from online poker, then it had truly jumped the shark.

I desperately wanted to attend the “news conference” announcing the site in late July. Because Pamelapoker.com was affiliated with something called “the Doyle Brunson Poker Network,” the announcement was going to be taking place at the Doyle’s Room suite, across from the Amazon Room.

A couple days before, I went by the suite to find out the time of the conference. Someone working there turned out to be the person who sent the original press release. She told me, “It’s scheduled for four o’clock but when it actually starts is anybody’s guess. No one knows when Pamela will show or how long it will take before she’s happy with her hair and make-up.”

Because I had to go back to Scottsdale, it would be necessary for me to return almost immediately to make the conference. I did it, making it back to Vegas by 3 PM on Announcement Day.

But then, I missed the conference. I think I signed up for a tournament on Full Tilt or something - don’t remember exactly.

Two people who attended, both respected journalists, told me it was a fiasco. Pam looked ridiculous flouncing around in a bridal veil. Doyle Brunson was there and looked stricken. Neither journalist had ever spoken to Doyle, so neither was up to speed on his involvement in online poker - the commitment, the financial opportunity, the competition, etc. - but both had the same message for me: What on earth was Doyle Brunson doing this for? Money alone didn’t seem enough to put himself through such a spectacle.

Never mind the obvious questions: What did Pamela Anderson have to do with poker? Why would someone want to pay to play poker just because her name was attached - especially when no one wants to pay to see a movie or TV show she appears in, and she supposedly knows what she’s doing in those things?

Then there was the craziness connected with her appearance at the Doyle Brunson Roast.

Right before the main event, Doyle was “roasted” for the thousandth time, to commemorate god-knows-what. Pamela Anderson was there, and emcee Brad Garrett did what emcees usually do when there is a celebrity present with big, fake boobs who is going on her third marriage. Again, I missed it but I heard - again, from a pair of journalists - that it was an ugly scene, with Anderson fleeing the roast.

Anderson didn’t play the “celebrity-media event” before the main event. That, however, probably showed some common sense, though Shannon Elizabeth, James Garner, and Ron Jeremy - and yours truly - got shuffled up and dealt. And, of course, she didn’t pony up ten grand to play in The Big One.

After that, I didn’t hear anything about the site, but I was wondering how poor Pamela, clad (in my imagination) in little more than some mesh and a few strategically placed eye patches, was weathering these harsh conditions. From a link in Amy Calistri’s blog today, I learned that she drank the kool aid long ago.

From Pamela Anderson’s actual diary (which contains no mention of the news conference or the opening of the site):

August 21: “I’m going to start playing and chatting on my site every weekend. Promise!”

September 8: “Once again poker sunday is coming up - love it. It’s a blast - Nascar, spaghetti and poker. See you around 6pm LA time…See if I can convince my husband to play…..yeah right…..he’s probably playing now….:)”

September 24: “My man and I will be online together on pamelapoker.com tonight at 6pm LA time. That’s what’s fun. You can play your friends no matter where they are…and talk to them online. Putting together a vegas tournament soon. My Dad will play in that one….Looking forward to it.”

October 1: “Was good to pop in and out of my pamelapoker.com site. I’ll be coming on here and there still.”

October 14: “Too touchy of a subject. I’m really not a gambler anyway. I was going to give any money to my foundation to benefit all sorts of great charities. It’d be the only way I’d do it…But looks like in America it will be illegal eventually. I don’t want anything to do with anything like that…so sorry poker fans…it was fun while it lasted!”

November 9, 2006: “Poker site should have been shut down last month. I have nothing to do with it anymore. Too many shady areas. I really don’t want to encourage people to gamble. This must be turned off. It just didn’t work out. Even in my heart. Good luck to Doyle’s Room. I love him. He is authentic to the game. I made a mistake getting involved in something I know nothing about for a quick buck! Yuck. So unlike me. Glad it’s over.”

What can we learn from these diary entries?

1. Pamela Anderson writes like a fourth grader.

2. Pam has a pattern, from what I can tell from reading her diary, of getting into businesses and then disavowing her involvement in them.

She apparently got involved with financing some restaurant named Blacksteel, then backed away when she was criticized for its cruelty to animals (I guess she knew they were “serving animals” but she didn’t realize it was on a platter). This, from July 25: “I’m not really involved in Blacksteel, I just gave Chef Jay 25g’s to help start because I’ve worked with him many times, he’s a friend of Tommy’s, and I was happy to help him out. He promised he’d always offer vegetarian options and he’d never serve foie gras; if he has broken his promise, I’ve asked him to donate my 25 grand to PETA.”

“As for hair dye and breast implants being tested on animals: you live you learn. I only use cosmetics and beauty products that are not tested on animals, such as MAC, for which I am a spokesperson. We all do the best we can. I feel there are no hypocrates.”

Hypocrates? Well, at least we know she’s writing this herself.

3. Anderson disclosed in her diary that she is now, for the first time, applying her own make-up. From September 2: “The most liberating thing I’ve done lately is learn to do my own makeup. ”

You go, girl! Don’t be afraid to reach for the stars! (Maybe she’ll stop looking like someone drew on her with Sharpies.)

4. She talks about her new (third) husband, Kid Rock, with the same enthusiasm she talked about poker a few months ago. Rock, you might want to keep your bags packed.

  

 

This entry was posted on Wednesday, November 29th, 2006 at 5:27 am and is filed under My favourites:.