Michael Craig's Journal

Poker blogger and retired cryptographer Falstaff successfully made sense of Pamela Anderson and won a cool $20 on Full Tilt. I issued the challenge on December 2 to decode Pamela Anderson’s explanation of why she got involved in online poker. It was a job tailor-made for the code-breaker, and he beat out eight other eager competitors, including a Classics Professor at Georgetown University, the inventor of the formula for Elmer’s Glue, and the site administrator for a Ted Forrest fan site.

The challenge was to make sense of the following three quotes:

“Doyle [Brunson] is teaching me [to play poker], so I’m learning no bad habits …. We’ve got to get together soon because I’ve been gone running around the whole world. I don’t know if I’ve got to go to Texas or if he’s going to come here to California. He was mad.” [POKER LIFE]

“[Doyle's] definitely on my top three hottest men alive list, Hef, Doyle, and Bob [Kid Rock].”

“I was asked to do online poker when it first came out. I thought then: ‘Why would I want to do a gambling site? I’m not a gambler. Why would I want to get involved?’ Now, having children and realizing how much goes on with computers and on the Internet, it seemed like a natural.” [POKER PRO]

Falstaff was more than equal to the task, interpreting Andersonese as follows:

English translation of Pamela-speak is in the brackets.

“Doyle [Brunson] is {will be if I can ever stop flying around the world showing my inflated/deflated/reinflated boobs to guys everywhere} teaching me [to play poker], so I’m learning no bad habits {Although I may be teaching Doyle a few habits that he didn’t know were physiologically possible, and probably aren’t for him, given his advancing age and history of knee problems} …. We’ve got to get together soon because I’ve been gone running around the whole world {so these fictional lessons for my fictional poker site haven’t actually happened, and here Doyle has made a flaming arse out of himself endorsing my site at the WSOP last summer instead of focusing on winning #11 and bumping that tall snotty guy and that Asian guy with the ugly shirts off the map forever}. I don’t know if I’ve got to go to Texas or if he’s going to come here to California {I hope he comes to California, because I don’t really know if I have to have a passport to get to Texas}. He was mad {that he has mortgaged his reputation to be seen with my boobs and is not only not getting any increase in traffic to his site but that I haven’t bothered to take the time to learn the game that I’m theoretically pushing. Math is hard, anyway.}.” [POKER LIFE]

“[Doyle's] definitely on my top three hottest men alive list, Hef, Doyle, and Bob [Kid Rock].”If by hottest you mean rich and willing to give me the time of day, or can contribute directly to the increase of my personal notoriety and/or fortune.

“I was asked to do online poker when it first came out. I thought then: ‘Why would I want to do a gambling site? I’m not a gambler. Why would I want to get involved?’ Now, having children and {needing to pay their way through life because there’s no guarantee that they’ll grow up to have marketable boobs, and seeing the money that some of the other people with much smaller breasts are making by being associated with poker (except for Tilly, she’s got some hoo-has on her)} realizing how much goes on with computers and on the Internet, it seemed like a natural {not that I remember what “natural” looks or feels like, since by this point I’m 76% collagen, Botox and silicone}.” [POKER PRO]

Well done, my liege.

This entry was posted on Saturday, December 16th, 2006 at 5:15 pm and is filed under My favourites:.