Grubby at PokerWorks

I’m taking the first week of April off to spend lounging in Las Vegas and am loading up my time there with things to do so I’m not too tempted into playing slots.

I know myself enough not to make a blanket statement to not play at all. I know I’ll do anyway just because it’s in the blood.

mamagrub and grubette will also be in town toward the end of the week and I tend to play all -EV games while hanging out with them.

But for the first half of my trip where I’ll be joined by a friend and catching up with other friends, I’ll try to stick to poker, all-you-can-eat sushi, and strip clubs.

I need another visit to the casino like I need another winter in Chicago without a car, but I pulled the trigger because Harrah’s offered three free nights and entry to their $20,000 slot tournament that’s capped at 500 players. The top 200 scores will receive $50 with a chance at the top prize of $5000. That would certainly get me my W-2G, but realistically I’ve all but ended any hope of ever hitting big ($1199+) on slots. If I won the top prize, though, I have enough losses this year that taxes won’t be a problem.

So three nights at Harrah’s is set. Filling out the week, I also snatched up comped rooms at Excalibur (including two free buffets), Imperial Palace (two free buffets), and Flamingo. I’ll try slipping $20 at Flamingo check-in to get a remodeled GO room “free” upgrade. There’s a better chance of an upgrade early in the week when more rooms are available. Same goes for suites. I double-booked with IP because of the buffets, despite it being one of the worst in Vegas.

I also did it out of spite because when the bloggers were in town, I did $11,000 of coin-in, mostly on their nickel Monopoly Big Event (my new favorite slot), and the only offer they sent was free nights Sunday-Thursday. Weekdays are easy to get comped or even to pay for cheaply — it’s the holiday weekends that are tough for a cusp player like me.

So for IP, I plan to check in, take their offers (which also includes four drinks at the bar), steal their soaps and shampoos, and never stay nor play there. I’ll then pass along the buffet comps to the first woman I see with all her teeth, and I’ll also try to use up my comp dollars. They haven’t yet linked into Harrah’s Total Rewards player’s club, so IP still maintains its own player database.

All that was left was finding a place Easter weekend.

Vegas casinos tend to send offers quarterly by the calendar year, so I hadn’t yet received any mailings of free nights. I don’t get free weekends at Harrah’s (my win-loss statement at Harrah’s for the first half of last year is a $3600 loss, but it’s all about the theoretical loss and playing time than the actual loss that matters for comps), so I decided to wait for an offer from Red Rock or Green Valley Ranch or Silverton and if nothing, I could stay with friends or sleep in the car or stay up all night playing poker.

Waiting by the mailbox for free room casino offers is much like waiting for a Valentine from the little red-headed girl, but I found success by checking the MGM Grand playersclub.com site. Another Excalibur offer popped up that I hadn’t yet received in the mail.

No restrictions were listed, and a quick call confirmed Easter weekend.

This offer comes with $100 in freeplay, two passes to the spa (free fruit drinks and a free shower — a little tip if you find yourself without a place to stay, ask if you can buy a spa pass to at least wash up), and two tickets to see Spongebob. I’ll either try to scalp the Spongebob tickets to some kids for M&Ms or have a few shots of Petron and see the show on my own, making sure everyone knows that the empty seat next to me is reserved for God.

Since a playing binge at Westin the last time I was in Vegas, they’ve been sending me $25 in free slotplay every two weeks. Arriving March 31, I can use one coupon before it expires and then cash in another one right after midnight without having to make two trips.

Speaking of March 31, that’s also when my Diamond status expires. More than being a card to cut in food lines, it means no more access to the Diamond Lounge and their free drinks and free food and free Internet access.

My plan is to pay one last visit to at least two Diamond Lounges, then try for two free tickets to whatever show they’re offering (Diamond players get two free tickets every month, a benefit that I never used even while living there). And because the shows they offer aren’t the best shows, I’ll try to scalp those tickets too or use them as partial payment for a lapdance.

Going for Diamond again requires 10,000 points ($50,000 playthrough) in a calendar year and isn’t worth the expected loss.

Besides, I don’t get free weekends at Harrah’s.

But I do at MGM Mirage.

Thus, I’ll be like a degenerate lemming and embrace the casino conglomerate that appreciates me most and gamble primarily in MGM casinos.

I don’t know why I keep getting offers to Excalibur but I did lose a big chunk and played a lot at Mandalay Bay and Luxor, so maybe they’re trying to woo me with their second-cheapest casino (Circus Circus taking the lead).

And this just in — Luxor sent two free nights for when I’ll be there. Should I triple-book just for the $30 in freeplay? And why no free Luxor buffet?

Vegas casino whoring is almost as much fun as gambling itself.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, March 20th, 2007 at 7:41 pm and is filed under Uncategorized.