Grubby at PokerWorks

I’ve forgotten how old I am.

When asked on a form or in person, I stumble for a moment but am usually able to state my age, give or take a year.

I sometimes have to take a moment and think of the current year and perform some subtraction, but the time it takes to carry that 1 is enough to make me look suspicious.

It’s utterly unconvincing to the person who asks, because I look younger than I am and when carded it appears as if I’m stalling and making it up. Though if I’m trying to get into a place where I need to be 21, wouldn’t I lie by just a couple years?

This has occurred off and on since I can remember. In Atlantic City, I remember being carded in front of Caesars Palace. I was 23 at the time and handed over my license. The guard mistook the expiration date for my birthdate and it took some convincing to assure him I wasn’t 10 years old.

It could be denial or early Alzheimer’s or a brain cloud, but at least I remember to wear pants when leaving the house.

Even if they don’t match my shirt.

***

I used to be a private investigator in Washington, D.C., working in loss prevention. My partner and I would visit stores from Fredericksburg, Va. up to Annapolis, Md., and set up a situation where the cashier could easily steal money. Basically it was a loose form of entrapment, and I would throw $5 at them, say I was late for a class and to keep the change, and run out of the store. My partner would hang back to see if they rang up the amount or pocket the cash. She would purchase something and the item number on the receipt was how we determined if they rang up my purchase. Except for two people in Dupont Circle — one of whom later robbed the place — every cashier was honest to the point they’d run after me to say I forgot my change. (Later on we were made by one employee who decided to call the other stores in the chain with our descriptions.)

The normal protocol was to say I was late for a flight or I had to meet my wife, but neither of those would register with me looking like Doogie Howser, so feigning being late for a class worked well.

I suppose it worked well at the poker table, too, seeming more full of action than the old rock that I usually am.

I’ve now found another use to take advantage of looking young. And I can get back at the CTA at the same time.

As much of Chicago as it covers, the CTA has been notoriously late for me. I hop online to the CTA Trip Planner and write down the routes and times, and inevitably one of those trains or buses is late enough that it throws off the rest of my schedule. I’ve missed a flight, I’ve missed plays, and I can’t predict when I arrive at work (though I could always wake up earlier if I were a morning person).

A recent bus I was on broke down and as someone escaped, the driver called out to him, “Chicken!”

Last weekend, a trip to the Navy Pier to see 300 at the IMAX theater had the Red Line late enough to miss my bus transfer and I had to take an $8 cab to get there in time.

So my increasing frustration with the CTA has led me to try another covert way of getting around the CTA Man.

Forget the complicated monthly card reload outlined in last month’s post, get ahold of a Reduced Fare Transit Card.

This baby will get you a bus or train ride for 85 cents (normally $1.75) with transfers 15 cents (normally 25 cents). The regular 30-day pass is $75, and the 30-day equivalent using the Reduced Fare card would run $60 if I took daily roundtrips.

These cards are normally reserved for children, high school students, seniors, and riders with disabilities. They’re to be used alongside an RTA Reduced Fare Permit or card, but that permit or card is never requested by the bus driver and is moot when passing through the train turnstile.

Where I work is near a couple high schools, and this is where looking youthful comes into play. While walking around the other day, two cops in a police van called out to me and asked if I went to the vocational school I was passing. I said no, they then asked if I went to DeVry University. I lied yes, and they seemed satisfied for the positive I.D. profiling and sent me on my way.

These cards are strewn all over the place. Most students buy them in 10-packs of $.85 each and once they use it up, they toss it to the ground. The frugal traveler will keep our city clean, knowing that these cards can be reloaded with a 10 percent bonus for every $20 increment loaded. This saves $21 per month off the regular 30-day $75 pass.

I found my reduced card on a bus seat. Actually, I found three.

They come with expiration dates — mine lists July 2008, but when it gets close I’ll just hunt down another one.

Now if I can only figure out how to get an RTA ID Number in order to purchase a 30-Day Reduced Fare Pass, which runs a bargain $35 for unlimited use.

Though I doubt I pass for being more than half my age, the bus drivers don’t notice because if they did they’d be on time.

This entry was posted on Monday, March 26th, 2007 at 10:16 pm and is filed under Uncategorized.