Grubby at PokerWorks

One amendment to Thursday: when I got home, out of sheer habit I launched two SnGs and then passed out before the second level. Somehow I sleepwalked to bed and when I awoke, I checked how I did: 5th and 4th. The Bubble. Man, I need to work on that. I used to play much better while asleep.

I still haven’t talked about Vegas yet, but would you rather read about my usual big slot loss (damn African Diamond with those big gorilla symbols) or read about running after drunk chicks vomiting in people’s yards?

What happens in Vegas happens in Chicago, so most of the following highlights will be anonymous. (Though if you read through each, you’ll probably be able to piece everything together.)

The drinkers:

Bobby Bracelet
Chad-a-rama
Daddy
Host extraordinaire Donkey Puncher
F-Train
Garth
grubby
The Hashman
iggy
JoeSpeaker 
The Rooster
 

DP’s

On the walk over, I passed a group of people hanging out at the corner. It looked like a family, including an elderly woman in a wheelchair and some young kids. As I walked by, one of the people in the group hurled an insult at me.

Really? Seriously?  They weren’t even drinking.

I was still feeling pretty bad from Thursday, which means I really didn’t care if I got into a fight. Turns out being hungover and losing your bankroll for the xxx time has a similar feeling.

I looked behind and didn’t know who said it, nor how to react with the kids and handicapable grandmother present. It would have been fun to pick a fight with a 5-year-old to see if I could take down my first one in the challenge, and I’m not above pushing grandma into traffic, but I was the last of the bloggers to arrive.

Instead, I opted for yelling the traditional classy ”Fuck off” and kept walking.

This is actually more common in Chicago than other cities — people have ready comebacks as if yelled at all the time. DP and I would yell insults at people as we drove by (always in motion… wusses), and the receivers instantly yelled back.

One time we were at a red light and I prepared my brilliant insult to a girl in the street. As soon as the light turned green, I yelled, “Why don’t you buy some better clothes, you silly goose.”

Bar + Tango Sur + Houndstooth

Three cabs to Southport carrying DP’s bottles of red wine. The restaurant was BYOB and had no corkage fee.

We drank and played pool at the sports bar next door while waiting for our table.

DP entrusted me with his phone for when they’d call us, and when I tried to take some photos of my genitals, I found he’d smartly locked it. iggy and I punched in random passwords, but we’re bloggers not hackers.

Tango Sur is an Argentinian place cooking nothing but meat. And oh what meat it was.

We were served by David Blaine (that intense stare and cowlick), who filled the table with meat empanadas, a mystery lettuce/tomato/onion combination to cleanse our meat palette, then a main course of all kinds of meat and potatoes with sides of black sausage.

I had the delicious chicken, which fell off the bones as easily as JonBenet Ramsey’s panties (inside joke for iggy).

Afterwards we settled at DP’s favorite Houndstooth bar inhabited by some Amazon women.

• Who took the sports bar server’s photo and got her phone number?
• Who ate a piece of chewed black sausage that had fallen from someone’s mouth onto the table?
• Who drank 40 oz. beers in paper bags?
• Who danced solo at the bar when no one else was dancing?

Poker

Over the weekend we played three sessions, two inside and one on DP’s deck against a backdrop of a live Mexican cover band celebrating his neighbor’s daughter’s graduation from Northwestern. Later, we heard Rooster calling out to the neighbors and singing along with the band.

Bobby Bracelet and Daddy’s poker blog humor was so inside and sarcastic that they cracked me up at every comment. Bracelet: “I brought some hand histories with me that I was hoping we could go over.” Daddy: “3:09. Put a beat on Daddy. Link. I’m going to blog about that hand and post it on 2+2 for comments.” Another Daddy: “I’m live blogging while making a YouTube video.” Another Bracelet: “Wait, let me do the math.”

This sums up what’s great about the poker bloggers — we love the game, we love blogging, and we have more fun just gambling it up and drinking than harping on beats and flaming posts. We take neither poker nor blogging too seriously. Put any one of us at a poker table full of strangers, though, and you’ll see a fierce competitor.

When playing bloggers, though, strap in for a fun, unpredictable evening of straddles and restraddles while putting the other person to the test with stone cold bluffs. If anyone raises, he could have Aces or The Hammer, and the most dangerous flop is A-7-2.

I called practically every hand, saying, “I’m going to limp in position” or “I’m going to have to call.” Others’ responses: “Of course you do.”

I trash talked Rooster at what I thought was his most vulnerable time — when I felted him. No one likes a winner who lays a bad beat and then rubs it in.

Calling Rooster’s raise with pocket 33s wasn’t the best of moves, but I was defending my limp. The flop gave A-4-x and I planned to float a turn bet or raise, hoping to get him off an Ace or high pair. The turn came a 5, he bet, and I pushed. I’d never have done this in any other game. He called with A-7, probably something he’d also never do in another game. The river came down a slow-motion 2.

Everyone went silent as all eyes went to Rooster, who just stared at the board.

I slowly dragged the pot.

We all waited for Rooster to pull a Hellmuth, but it didn’t happen so I started egging him on by trash talking, hoping to tilt him into rebuying. He maintained composure and decided to sit out and deal instead.

Also felted F-Train with 22. I raised preflop, he reraised, and I pushed. He thought for awhile and finally called with KJ. The King came on the river, but not before the 2 that came on the turn.

• Who brought his bankroll expecting a riverboat casino trip?
• Who wore sunglasses to the poker table (no one, what do you think we are, poker players?)?
• Who won four buy-ins by playing good hands (not me)?
• Who lost four buy-ins by playing good hands (not me)?

Chez DP

• Who slept under the dining room table?
• Who snored so loud that on the second night he was placed in solitary confinement?

Cubs Game

Cubs didn’t win, Cubs didn’t win. But a fight broke out and a welcome 5-minute rainstorm with cold, hard droplets appeared around the 7th inning of the at-the-time scoreless game.

As the rain began, I looked back anxiously at the row of girls who all wore white shirts. Unfortunately, they took out other shirts to shield their chests from the rain. How are they so well prepared?

Some other girls who left before the Padres scored said they’d be at Hi-Tops and told DP we should stop by. DP refused to go because it was Hi-Tops.

• Who drank a mai tai at the Cubs game?
• Whose ass was pinched by a girl in the bleachers as she walked past him?
• Who applied so much suntan lotion that after it finished raining, his head looked like it was covered with moneyshots?
• Who pretended he was 7 years younger to chat with a girl who just turned 21?
• Who wore a red Ron Mexico shirt, stood up, turned around, and yelled, “I love white people!”?

Houndstooth Part II

• Who ran into a pole on the way over, who was then asked, “Did you just run into that pole?” and then responded “Partially”?
• Who declared our outside table a Herpes Complex (better than simplex) group and anyone was welcome?
• Who asked the waitress as she brushed by him, “Was that a moment?”
• Who later asked the waitress what time she got off and when not getting a response: “Are you not telling me because I’m fat?”
• Who confessed his dick bends at a 45-degree angle like a periscope?
• Who said his fat makes his dick look smaller?
• Who said he shaves his pubic hair to counteract the fat that makes it look small?
• Who ran to help a stumbling, vomiting girl, and then hooked up with her later that night?

Parking Lot

• Who paid $45 to park in a guy’s residential parking space a couple blocks away from Wrigley Field?
• Who then challenged him to a game of Cornhole at $100 a point?
• Who took a piss on the guy’s house before leaving?

Random Bar

Our final bar was empty and had the same punching bag that I saw on Thursday.

Coin-in on this thing must be huge and pure profit. Just our group must’ve spent $300 at $1 per punch.  Forget slot machines, we should install punching bag machines.

• Who did a bellyflop in the middle of the bar?
• Who had his neck and shoulders hugged by someone he wasn’t even sure was female until she later entered the women’s restroom and asked him, “Who hurt you?”
• Who asked the waitress with the funny teeth, “Who did your dental work, Dr. Ferguson?”
• Who punched the highest score of 899?
• Who punched with his head to score in the high-400s?
• Who broke his hand after the second punch?

This entry was posted on Thursday, June 21st, 2007 at 1:40 am and is filed under Uncategorized.