Grubby at PokerWorks

This week’s orange bracelet-o’-the-week is “Keep It Fun,” and because of my history with putting the fun in gamboolfunning (see Gamblers Anonymous’ Twenty Questions), The American Gaming Association kindly asked me to edit some of their talking points.

For one, I suggested replacing “gambling” with the kinder gentler word “gaming.” “Gambling” has a negative connotation of bookies and bankruptcy and broken thumbs. By simply removing a couple letters from the word, “gaming” suddenly calls forth puppy feet and million dollar jackpots and topless women named Nadia.

The AGA agreed but balked at other changes that I made regarding responsible gamblers:

• Responsible gamblers understand that gambling by its nature entails risk and that the odds of winning are with the house and the stupid donks who suck out.
• Responsible gaming is done socially, with family, friends, colleagues, and fellow degenerates bringing you down to their level by offering to drive to Currency Exchange to split the MoneyGram fee to deposit to an illegal online poker site via a nonexistent Nicaraguan name that always changes.
• Responsible gaming is done for limited amounts of time, both in frequency and duration, not counting the unlimited amount of tables you’re able to open on Poker Stars while listening to Survivor’s “Eye of the Tiger.”
• Responsible gaming always has predetermined, acceptable limits for losses because you can always reload the 1st and 15th of every month.

Personal guidelines should always be set before considering a gaming session:

The decision to gamble is a personal choice. No one should feel pressure to gamble, or feel that he or she must gamble to be accepted unless you’re on a rush and want to impress the only girl at the table.

Gambling is not essential for having a good time; the free drinks as a result of gambling are. Gambling should not be perceived as necessary for having fun and being with friends unless your only friend is the slimy thing at the bottom of the Jose Cuervo telling you to go all-in.

What constitutes an acceptable loss needs to be established before starting to gamble. Any money spent on gambling should be considered the cost of entertainment; people should only gamble with money they can afford to lose. For those who choose to gamble, it is essential to know when to stop or call in sick if tilting continues past 5 a.m.

Borrowing money to gamble should be avoided and discouraged. Borrowing money from a friend, relative or any other source of funds with the intention of repaying with gambling winnings is always high risk and inappropriate. Better to keep the economy healthy by signing up for new credit cards to use for cash advances at 5.9 percent interest for the first six months.

There are times when people should not gamble. Never gamble when under the legal gambling age; when it interferes with work or family responsibilities; when in recovery for addictive disorders or dependencies; when the form of gambling is illegal; when gambling is prohibited by organizational policy; or when trying to make up for prior gambling losses (“chasing” losses). Times when you should gamble are when you need to claim your $5 matchplay, when the casino is offering double points, or when you need to bet big to win big.

There are certain high-risk situations during which gambling should be avoided. Avoid gambling when feeling lonely, angry, depressed or under stress; when coping with the death of a loved one; to solve personal or family problems; to impress others; or when that happy shiny Mr. Cashman coin tempts you into playing one more spin. Instead, you should gamble when you feel manic, fat, results-oriented, or when “Grey’s Anatomy” is on.

Excessive use of alcohol when gambling can be risky. Irresponsible alcohol use can affect a person’s judgment and interfere with the ability to control gambling and adhere to predetermined limits. Drink only to fit in and break up the monotony of a full ring of Omaha Hi/Lo.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, August 14th, 2007 at 9:03 pm and is filed under Uncategorized.