IGGY at PokerWorks

“I’ll start by saying if you didn’t make it to Vegas for the Bloggers Summer Classic you missed out on a fantastic time. For those who have been to this event before you know what I’m talking about but if you’ve never been you need to do whatever it takes to make the next one.

Bonus whore, save all your loose change, rob a bank, max your credit card, let your gal bang George Clooney, do whatever it takes but get your ass out to Vegas.”
Miami Don

Oh my, our Vegas Gathering looms ever closer.
My liver has begun shuddering in anticipation.

Howdy all, thanks for stopping by. And although this will be a crappy long post, I once again state my poker blog credo:

Destroying Workplace Production One Poker Post at a Time.

But first I must address the fact that my blogging brother, Michael Craig, sent some vaguely worded threats my way when it was announced I was moving to my upscale digs here at PokerWorks.

As I’m a serious veteran of vitriol headed my way on this here Interweb, I didn’t think too much of it. After all, Michael is a writer. Even worse, a lawyer.

But I was careless and didn’t give Mr. Craig enough credit. Of course, as a lawyer, he wouldn’t do his own dirty work. He merely sent his attack dog poker playing friends after me. I probably shouldn’t be blogging about this in such an open forum but the police reports will be a matter of public record soon enough.

I was visited a few evenings ago by a thuggish young man who would only identify himself as a ‘friend of Matusow’. After some small talk, the thug snapped off all the vowels on my custom-made dwarf friendly keyboard, taunting me, “It’s gonna be pretty fucking difficult to blog without vowels, ain’t it!”

And then he asked to borrow some money.

When I refused, he threatened to have Jennifer Harmon come over and do doughnuts on my lawn with her Mercedes.

I was a tad worried now, realizing that Michael was serious.

So through my extensive blogging contacts, I managed to wrangle his phone number on Monday evening. I called and pleaded my case to deaf ears.

But then he mentioned he was playing the Full Tilt Poker 350K tournament.

Bingo! I asked if he would call off the dogs if I would sweat and help him play in the tournament. He readily agreed.

And so there you have it. Michael makes the final table, scores a nice 20k thanks to my calming presence and advice.

You think that everything would be cool now, wouldn’t you? I graciously help Michael win some coin and he allows me to blog in peace.

But nooooooooo. In yet another lesson in why lawyers are never, ever to be trusted, as I was trying to catch up on my reading last evening for this here uber post, the damn doorbell kept ringing.

Huck Seed ordered ten vegetarian pizzas delivered to my house. Nice.

I then got a phone call from the man, challenging me to eat them all in two hours for 20 grand on my webcam. Geezus, he ended up offering 3-1.

I’m hoping this is the end of it, or at least a respite. After all, as I warned Michael, I’m heading to Vegas in a week.

I’m already considering what animals or poisonous insects I may want to slip into that backpack you carry around. Consider this fair warning, Sir.

So I apologize for airing this dirty laundry in public, especially when I’m such a big fan of Mr. Craig and his writing. Hopefully the shenanigans will cease and I can blog in peace.

Now let’s get going with this uber post. I’ve got alot of copying and pasting ahead of me here.

Make sure to read the RGP mining I did for you in this post. I discovered the most popular RGP threads over the past five years, both on poker and off-topic. Fine tasty poker goodness just for you.

So where to begin, where to begin?

I suppose I can do no better than to congratulate my main man, MeneGene, for landing a full-time blogging gig with UB! Couldn’t happen to a better guy - a hoist of the Guinness!

I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention that I was appearing on Lou Kreiger and Amy Calistri’s poker radio show tomorrow evening. I think it’s on at 8:00pm Central. They are making a HUGE mistake by having me on live and uncensored. If you miss it, feel free to listen at their website or itunes.

Moving quickly along, I demand you please go read Phil Helmuth’s latest poker blog post:
Life as a celeb ain’t that bad!

My favorite quote:

We ordered Dom Rose, but they were out, so we drank regular Dom.

For my friends traveling to Vegas next week, I offer this insane Public Service Announcement. I still can’t believe it’s authentic, but I did some digging and it is.

Lies that ring true

Las Vegas is a top destination for those seeking firm’s fake alibis

Mary is married, and Mary is having an affair. The Chicago wife told her husband she was sightseeing in Los Angeles last August, but that was a lie. Mary and her boyfriend were vacationing in Las Vegas, and Mary paid a professional cover-up company $350 to ensure her husband would never find out.

He didn’t. The Alibi Network, an Illinois company that specializes in its namesake - alibis - armed Mary with a fake airplane itinerary, fake hotel reservations and a fake hotel answering service; when her husband phoned Mary’s fake room in Los Angeles, the call was routed to her real cell phone in Las Vegas. Three months later, Mary doesn’t want her name printed in the paper. She’s planning on using the Alibi Network again.

“I needed to get away,” she said. “I set something up.”

Mary isn’t the only person whose tracks, covered for a cost, lead to Las Vegas. Michael DeMarco, the Alibi Network’s vice president of marketing, says Las Vegas is a top destination for company clientele, who come to gamble in secret and “get their groove on.”

It’s only natural, DeMarco says, in a city where what happens, stays.

“I think the appeal for Vegas is its reputation,” he says, trailing off. “It’s warm; it’s relatively clean.”

Costs for cover-ups range anywhere from $75 for a temporary untraceable phone number to $1,500 for a “full-blown alibi,” DeMarco says. It’s not a service you want to scrimp on.

“If I’m going to pay a liar,” DeMarco says, “I want the best one.”

Good gravy, this surely is a strange world we live in. It’s one thing to consider this as a business model over many drinks at a bar, it’s quite another to form a corporation and follow through with it. God bless America.

Next up is this interesting article about the UK going even further with poker legalization from The Sunday Times.
Green light for playing poker in pubs

I don’t know why I find these revelations so fascinating. Perhaps it’s because I’m anti-superstitious and I always love hearing mindsets that differ from mine. Do we have any bloggers willing to share their personal gambling quirks?

Who else will admit to having ‘Poker Superstitions’?

As stupid as they are I have a few. Try as I might I can’t rid myself of them.

I have lucky chips (one being given to me by that hot young asian girl).

I have lucky card protectors, pennies, dimes and dollar bills.

When on the button I ensure that the cards come to me to the right of the button.

I have a lucky urinal in the rest room.

If I’m running very cold I will spin my chair around and circle it counter-clockwise (this one is a powerful secret I’m sharing-because I like you).

All of this is demented but I can’t stop. It’s a compulsion and I’m afraid of what will start to happen if, for example, I let the cards come to me to the left of the button.

Someone please make me feel better and admit to something worse than the above.

Sadly, no one could top these in RGP. I’ll bet Grubby could, tho.

This is probably the best 2+2 thread I’ve found. Trust me, go read.
Unintentional Humor From the Archives: The Newbie Chronicles

Maybe our Dr. Pauly can address this one for us. Someone asks a few goofy questions:

Drugs and poker

I know a lot of people smoke marijuana while they play and swear by it. Some say it tempers their raw aggression, helping them play smarter. I’ve never smoked it so I don’t have any first hand knowledge.

In a recent interview, a pro said taking LSD (not while playing, of course) improved his ability to concentrate during tournaments.

Is there a list online somewhere that shows the top pros and their favorite drugs?

I would also be interested in any input as far as the pros and cons of specific drugs, in regards to poker. For instance, I am guessing cocaine is great for stamina, but what about attitude for the table? Good or bad? Or does it just depend on the chemistry and personality of the individual?

Also, does anyone know why alcohol improves some people’s play? I’ve read numerous accounts of how the drunker he gets the better “Silent” Jim Meehan plays.

I’m yanking out an oldie but goodie here. Anyone else remember Abdul, one of the best poker minds to grace our generation?

I do.

I found this old post about Abdul meeting Mason Malmuth at the poker tables. It was posted on 2+2, and subsequently on RGP. Here’s the post from 2+2 (now deleted) in all its glory:

Banned from 2+2

Posted By: Ghost of Abdul Jalib
Date: Friday, 31 May 2002, at 4:46 p.m.

Well, it looks like Mason has banned me from posting.
Here is why.

Last summer, Mason sat down in a 30-60 game next to me. I was there first. Someone at the table said, “Hi Mason.” And mason replied, “Hello.” I didn’t want there to be an awkward silence, so I said, “Hi Mason,” without any tone in my voice.

He said, “Hello creep. If I ever have any more trouble from you…” and then proceeded to ram into me with his elbow and forearm while still standing. He nearly
knocked me off of my chair. I looked around and asked the table, “Is he kidding?”

Mason resumed his attack, with every venemous word spitting in my face and continuing to ram me. The look in his eyes was pure insanity. With the restrictions Bellagio places on conduct, I had little choice but to call the floorman to get Mason off of me.

Unfortunately, we had a junior floorman as acting shift manager for the day, so Mason was not barred. To the best of my knowledge, everything I’ve ever posted about Mason is true.

I have MUCHO golden RGP to post. It’s coming, trust me.

Here’s a tidbit to hold you over.
A Reply to Mason Malmuth ( censored at 2+2 )

Make sure to get to Andru Prock’s analysis of Dick Taylor’s work in there. Stunning stuff.

Here’s some poker blogging loving for you, gentle reader. I took some serious time to dig this up for you. Excellent educational poker reading here.

Thank me later or click on a damn banner. Now!

I think I found the longest thread in RGP history. 900 messages.

FellKnight goes Pro

The longest thread from 2004. 290 posts. No-smoking sections

The longest thread from 2003. 242 posts.
Cheating at the LA Poker Classic

The longest thread from 2002. 301 posts.
A few thoughts on cheating

The longest thread from 2001. 234 posts.
Roy Cooke’s Article in the New Issue of Card Player

The longest thread from 2000. 244 posts.
Hollywood Park is dangerous

Think I’m done? HAH! Let’s hit the truly fun stuff now. The off-topic flame fests. Put on your asbestos undies and venture into the most all-time most popular RGP off-topic threads.

The longest OT thread from 2005. 292 posts
As Terri dies

The longest OT thread from 2004. 542 posts
Michael Moore’s Fahrenheit 9/11

The longest OT thread from 2003. 219 posts
By Joe (We Were Soldiers Once) Galloway

The longest OT thread from 2002. 102 posts
PARALLELS BETWEEN NAZI GERMANY AND THE BUSH CRIME FAMILY

The longest OT thread from 2001. 156 posts
Favorite Movie Lines

The longest OT thread from 2000. 252 posts
Bush or Gore

K, time to move along. Just be thankful I didn’t copy and paste from those priceless links. This post would take all week to read.

Please feel free to mine the above links on another visit to this here humble poker blog. That’s why I uber, after all.

Anybody gots any thoughts on this dilemma? One of poker’s under-the-radar problems is situations like this, epecially amongst the big boys, not just these low-limit fun-loving poker players.

Is this cheating/collusion or not???

I played in my regular Friday afternoon $100 rebuy/addon tournament yesterday. And I decided to bring along a friend, who, for the first time, was playing poker for more than $50. Needless to say, he was a bit nervous. So we decided to make a pre-tournament deal on the money, a 75%-25% split on any and all money won in the tournament. 21 people played, and the pot was pretty big, $8,500.

Anyways, with 3 people left, my friend and I were still in it. I quickly disposed of the other guy (my cards were running hot all day, and I really couldn’t lose - he
tried to make a move on me when I flopped a flush and I eliminated him, only three hands into 3-handed action).

I was so excited by the fact that my friend and I were splitting the money 75%-25% that when the guy running the tournament asked if we were playing it out or splitting I said “We had a 75-25 deal from the start anyway, so we’ll just stop.”

He was PISSED. The other members of the club called us upstairs and all accused us of cheating. I received a call from a member of the club today asking that I never show my face again.

I don’t understand. Why would they be pissed that my friend and I made a pre-tournament deal? Is that frowned upon? It is a pure 100% coincidence that my friend and I got to heads up, because these $100 rebuy/addon tournaments are total crapshoots (they are oprganized on a fixed time schedule, and the tournament cannot last more than 5 hours, so the blinds and antes go up every 20 minutes and it’s basically “all-in or fold poker” right away).

So I have been accused of being a cheater for a pre-tournament deal, which I had no idea was cheating. I think I read somewhere in Hellmuth’s “Play Poker Like The Pros” that he played in the WSOPME once and was at a table with a guy that he had a
pre-tournament deal with. So if the pro’s are doing this in Vegas, then why would I be accused of cheating like this? Help me out with this please, all feedback, negative or positive, is appreciated.

Lesson learned, eh? I don’t have any issues here because I never softplay friends. Winning money from friends is so much sweeter than taking it from a stranger.

I’m a bad person, I know.

I’m a big fan of Tommy Angelo. His article on folding is an excellent place to start.

Damnit, I wish I was rich so I could hire him as my poker coach. His fees?
Four-day program: $8000

Geezus. Maybe I need to stop blogging and start teaching.
Too bad I fired my psuedo-student after a week.

There were plenty of entries into the Stupid Post of the Week, but sadly, there can be only one.

The winner:

HUGE problem with online ring games

Basically, there needs to be a rule stating that you can’t jump ship or sit-out within a certain number of seats from the blind, or that there will be a penalty if you do so.

The basic problem is that when somebody is planning to leave an online table, he thinks “I’ll leave when the blind gets to me.” And that’s what everybody does. They wait until the blind is about to hit them, then close the table (or sit out). Worse, they usually (for some reason) are compelled to fucking WATCH THE HAND, and don’t actually get up until the software is actually prompting them for their blind. Great, thanks. So the blind skips a seat, and if somebody was on the waiting list, oh well, he won’t get dealt in for the next two hands, and have to post from the cutoff. But more importantly, the blinds are now one seat closer than they should be to everybody who is staying put in the game, dutifully paying their blinds to see what SHOULD be 10 hands. A lot of the time I feel lucky to see 7.

In other words, you’re constantly being forced to hemmorhage money into the pot with a random hand, in worst position, because online poker players are unable to sit still.

This is an epidemic at high-traffic poker rooms with high turnover, esp at the low limit tables. People bounce around like musical chairs, and the players with their butts in the seats trying to play a steady game get punished for it.

How many times has this happened to you? You pay your big/small blinds, then, when you’re on the button, the should-be big blind leaves the table without paying. Then the next guy, when prompted, clicks “sit out”. Then the next guy says “not it” and leaves. Finally, you get a customer. Oh but, great, now the fucking blinds are halfway around the table, and 3 goddamn hands later, after being robbed of the priviledge of what should have been several hands worth of good position, you’re in shit position paying the blinds again!

It makes me want to put my fucking fist through the screen. It cuts TREMENDOUSLY into my ability to win. It’s enough to make me want to quit ring games entirely and just play tournaments, where this doesn’t apply. People can talk about the rake all they want, but this is much worse. You pay rake only when you actually win a hand. Here you’re paying to get (most likely) worthless cards, out of position. The weird thing is, nobody seems to be bothered by it but me.

This is not nearly as much a problem in live poker. For obvious reasons. It’s one of the many ways in which live poker is better/easier. Online poker, being a different medium, needs to recognize this issue and inplement some sort of method for dealing wth it. Just SOMETHING to encourage online game stability; that players who sit down in a 10-handed ring game will actually get somewhere near 10 hands for the blinds that they’re forced to pay.

My suggestion: if a player leaves the table within two seats of the blind getting to him, a set of blinds will be automatically deducted from his account, one big, one small. Then, when the blinds reach that player’s seat, they will be dead-posted, in turn, BB then SB. So now, it’ll be the herky-jerky players getting penalized, rather than the people trying to be part of a smooth, stable game (who, as an added benefit, will have dead money in the pot up for grabs, rather than BEING the dead money in the pot through no fault of their own).

If this were implemented, if would discourage players from scumming around until the last second and then jumping out on the blind. In turn, the lead time would allow the empty seat to be filled from the waiting list. If it’s not filled, fine, but at least the blinds for that seat are paid, and aren’t prematurely domino-ing their way back to the guy who just got stuck with them four hands ago.

I don’t understand why people like this even attempt to give their perspective. I’d be better off taking advice from that guy who likes to take dumps at the bus station.

I wish I could email him and tell him my advice is to quit playing online. Only play in live games where donkeys and suck outs don’t exist.

Damn, all this crazy talk reminds me about more pressing, and realistic, issues. Like what the hell happens when an online poker player dies? For those of us with a nice chunk of cash in our accounts, it’s something to seriously consider.

I’ve addressed this issue before but I found this little thread: If you were to die today that had the TruePoker’s CEO chiming in:

“Does anyone know what the Poker sites policies are on a player who has died and had money in their account?”

This issue has come up a few times.

It is your account balance, not ours. Basically, if we are contacted by a purported Next of Kin or Heir or executor, we ask for a Death Certificate. TruePoker pays the account out to the person who provides some verifiable documentation. (For US players, a Death Ceritifcate is generally easily verifiable.)

I would think that other sites have faced similar issues before.
TruePoker CEO

I’m posting this in honour of MeneGene and his new poker gig.
Interview with Isabelle “No Mercy” Mercier

I’ve linked this excellent article up before but it’s worth a repeat. Russ Hamilton wins $703,000 playing golf with the owner of All-In?

Golf: The Hustlers
In high-stakes golf, Vegas-style, the stakes just keep getting higher.

By the way, does anyone know the latest in that WPT & the poker pro’s lawsuit? I’m knee deep into Guinness this uber and a perfunctory peek around didn’t tell me anything. Anyone? Buehler?

In tonight’s issue of You Make the Call here at Poker Works, we have an ugly situation. Read for yourself:

Did the floor make the right decision?

An interesting situation happened to me while playing in the main event at Tunica last week. I will try my best to articulate this situation as it went down rather quickly.

I’m in middle position with a premium starting hand. 3 players ahead of me fold. I raise the action to 3x the BB. Button calls my raise as does the BB…or so the dealer thought.

The dealer pulls the chips into the pot, burns and turns the next card. As he’s turning the card over, I verbally announce that the pot is incorrect. The BB did not call the action.

The BB proceeds to argue the point but not in a way that was hostile, but in a way that you can just tell he’s trying to get away with something. He places all blame on the dealer at this point.

The dealer proceeds to count down the pot. Blinds accounted for. Antes accounted for. My raise accounted for. Buttons call accounted for. And that’s it. The BB did not call the action.

Now what?

Having been a dealer, my immediate thinking is that the BB’s hand is dead.

At this point, rather then debate the issue at the table, I figured the best recourse would be to get the floor involved. The dealer calls the floor over. “Bob” quickly arrives.

The dealer explains the situation to Bob as I have written it above. Bob thinks long and hard which is not a good sign. This is his ruling:

He informs the BB (the individual that did not call the action) that he can do one of two things. He can either choose to call the original raise and retain his hand, or fold his cards. Bear in mind, the flop is on the table in all its naked glory.

At this point, I start screaming (inside). The BB decides to forfeit his hand.

Rather than entertain a drawn out debate, I figure the point is moot and I carry on with the hand. However, during the next break, I present this hand to a few dealer friends who all believe the floor’s decision was wrong. How can you give this player the choice to remain in the hand after seeing the flop for free? In essence, you are giving him a huge advantage having seen that flop which could very much impact the play at hand. It seems to me the obvious choice would be to call the hand dead. And not that it matters at this point, but it is truly my belief that this individual hid his hand from the dealer in hopes of sneaking into the pot.

What are your thoughts?

Damnit, I forgot to blog this article from the National Review about that silly little legislation that attempted to ban online poker here in the US. Better late than never, I always say. And what does it portend that Barney Frank is our Champion?
Strange days, indeed.

From The Corner at National Review Online:

Frist’s Folly [Andrew Stuttaford]
Well, I’ve finally got round to my emails on the topic of that Internet gambling/national security bill and there are far, far too many to reply to. No-one who wrote to me was a fan of the move and there were a good few that said this was the ‘last straw’ so far as their November vote was concerned. Most of the opposition to the law was on broadly libertarian grounds, but there was another strain too, which made interesting reading in the light of Congress’ reputation at the moment.

Supposedly, the reason (apart, of course, from national security) that Senator Frist rushed through this legislation was to send a signal to the more moralistic voters out there. Maybe that will work, maybe it will not, but a revealingly large percentage of my correspondents felt that the real reason for passing the law was to protect the interests of Las Vegas, Indian tribes and other entrenched gambling interests. In other words, a piece of law designed to make the GOP look clean has made them look even dirtier than before.

One reader sent me in some words on the topic on July 11th from, of all people, Barney Frank:

“If an adult in this country, with his or her own money, wants to engage in an activity that harms no one, how dare we prohibit it because it doesn’t add to the GDP or it has no macroeconomic benefit. Are we all to take home calculators and, until we have satisfied the gentleman from Iowa that we are being socially useful, we abstain from recreational activities that we choose?… People have said, What is the value of gambling ? Here is the value. Some human beings enjoy doing it. Shouldn’t that be our principle? If individuals like doing something and they harm no one, we will allow them to do it, even if other people disapprove of what they do.”

Barney Frank talking sense, Senator Frist not.

Draw your own conclusions.

As you can imagine, I often read threads about poker = sport. I always chuckle at the chuckleheads who think this is true. So allow me to post this fine rant:

Poker: A Sport

The other day I was watching ESPN coverage of a WS circuit event, and Joseph Hachem said: “…so really, poker is just like any other sport, and…”

I’d heard this from Annie Duke and Hellmuth too, but as much as card players might like to delude themselves into believing that they’re athletes, poker ain’t a fucking sport.

Wikipedia defines a sport like ‘dis: “A sport is an activity requiring physical ability, physical fitness or physical skill which usually, but not always, involves competition between two or more people.”

Part of the reason why poker has become so popular is because anyone can do it. Fat asses like Raymer and Moneymaker, old drunks in wheelchairs…sitting on your ass for 14 hours while diddling with your chips in a masturbatory manner hardly qualifies as physical prowess.

This is so silly it’s probably not even worth mentioning, except that a large portion of the country has made the following logical leap: Poker is on ESPN, and ESPN typically covers sporting events. Poker draws cheering crowds, and there are even two homosexual commentators named Lon and Norm who cover the action…so, poker is a sport, since it’s handled so similarly.

Sure, poker requires skill and luck. But it requires about as much physical skill as eating. Comparing round-assed, tacky garb gamblers like Phil Ivey (absurdly called the “Tiger Woods of Poker” because A) he happens to be black, and B) wears sports jerseys) and Doyle Brunson to athletic geniuses like Albert Pujols, Walter Payton, and Larry Bird is beyond insulting: it’s vomit-inducing.

But, in this new era we can all be world class athletes. I’m quite good at Scattegories, but never really considered mysef an athlete until now. Similarly, my great aunt plays a mean game of scrabble, another sport…

An RGP’r once stated that any competition/game/activity etc… where a woman can compete with a man is not a sport. Not sure if I fully agree, but I can see the point. Someone else made this point:

Football, baseball, basketball, track and field, soccer, hockey are sports.

Golf, darts, race car, horse racing, poker are not sports.

This person above has obviously never played golf. Or rode a horse.
This was an interesting question. I’d sure like to hear what our female bloggers think on this topic.

Question for women

Gospadine posted pics from the WPS cruise in Costa Rica. He included some photos of the Imperial Beer girls such as this one
http://www.mypocketaces.com/mambo/gallery2/main.php?g2_itemId=57

For you regularish women here who probably make money for things other than your breasts, how do you feel about women like these? Specifically do you look on them negatively or could you care less and even find it amusing that they can make alot of money from stupid guys for doing nothing?

Would you ever avoid speaking to one of them purely because of their occupation or are you willing to give them a fair chance?

Just curious. I’m not a woman but my inclination is to have less respect for them than I would a typical woman but at the same time I can’t exactly blame them for taking the easy money route.

Guess I might as well post a sample from the above photo gallery so you understand the context of the question.

I found in my notes from our last Gathering the funniest hand of poker I played. I went to the rail to smoke and the dealer allowed me to play in the dark from there. Yes, I won the hand when some bozo folded to my bet on the river. Too damn funny.

I can’t remember who was there but I think that was the night (morning?) that the poker room manager threatened to call security on me for God knows what.

I guess I oughta blog the RGP fallout from the Michael Richards racist rants the other week. I did promise to, after all. Sensitive people might wanna skip this next part, but if you’re sensitive, why the fuck are you reading my blog in the first place?

I’m not sure where to begin. It was a massive thread, as you can imagine. But I’m just gonna yank out a few for your perusal. Let’s start off gently, shall we?

you posted in a thread a couple years ago about how ridiculous it was for conservatives to talk about books doing social damage. i think you said that a book can’t hurt somebody. books are nothing but compilations of words. are you now saying that words can inflict damage?

you leftwing word-nazis humor me. we can only say “nigger” if we’re black. we’re not allowed to say G_d in classrooms. we can’t suggest there might be innate, intellectual differences between sexes or races. we can’t say books cause harm (unless it’s the bible, of course).

is there anything else you hyper-sensitive sluts can’t handle?

That’s fairly indicative of the discourse here. But I did re-learn one little etymological tidbit from one poster who stayed above the fray:

In the Ken Burns documentary on Jazz, it was explained that the term “man” was used by black musicians toward each other because black men were routinely addressed as “boy” at that time by white people.

Here’s a unique two cents from David, who’s handicapped, responding to a prior point.

> It’s either poison or it’s not. There is no middle ground. There is

> no “friendly” version of the word.

This old chestnut!

If you are a white person can call one of your white friends a “cracker” or “honky”, it’s completely different than if some strange black person does it.

As with any potentially inflammatory word, the biggest factor on whether it’s offensive or not is the perceived intent behind it.

For example, I myself am physically disabled and use an electric wheelchair. If one of my friends or I call myself a “gimp”, that’s what I would consider making fun of the people who would use that word as an insult towards me. And most of the time, it’s pretty easy to tell whether someone is trying to be insulting or not. That’s the difference.

As in poker, it all depends on the situation.

David

Another take from the peanut gallery on the same message:

> It’s either poison or it’s not. There is no middle ground. There is no

>”friendly” version of the word.

Bullshit. The fact is it was a racist use of the word, not the word itself, that was the problem. If he had been funny, nobody would be bitching. Lenny Bruce used all kinds of racial epithets, and is never accused of being a racist. “Nigger” isn’t a magic word that makes whoever says it a racist, but it is often a word that a racist uses to show his true colors.

Ugh, I have some more to post on this, but honestly, it’s too hateful. Plus, I’m too Guinness-fueled and still have never recovered from the gay community stealing the word QUEER from us straights.

Every once in awhile, in my travels through the tubes of this here Internet, I find these strange missives addressed to the poker community. Sometimes they are superbly written, sometimes they are truly bizarre and sometimes just plain goofy. I’ll let this one simply speak for itself.

Open Letter to RGP: Truly Innovative Poker Strategy and a Call to Arms

My Dear Brothers and Sisters in Poker,

It’s oft-lamented that RGP, once a robust forum for the discussion of actual poker strategy, has decayed into childish, infantile discussion board largely overcome by spam, trolling, flaming, wild conspriacy theories, bad-beat bitching, and most recently, self-pity and chicken-littleing with respect to the new U.S. legislation.

The natural assumption is to blame this decline on an influx of new posters, of the riff-raff brought in by the Poker Boom, or in the general pre-adolescent conduct of the average internet user. While all these factors, are present, to some degree, I maintain that this is not the major cause for a lack of susbstantive poker strategy discussion on this board.

This begs the question: What is responsible, then?

The answer: A lack of fresh ideas. Everything that can be said about poker, as it is commonly understood by the so-called “experts”, has already been said. Repeatedly. Haven’t you noticed that most poker books say the same things? Yet players well versed in this “knowledge” continue to lose, because of what they call “bad beats”. New theories asserted to be revolutionary are merely variations on old themes. I’m

here to tell you that playing tight, or agressive, or loose-aggressive, reading tells, counting outs, pot odds, implied odds, pot equity, fold equity, all of it, is utter claptrap.

Allow me to clarify. These ideas are all fine, as far as they go, but they proceed from a false assumption, made very early in the study of poker. That assumption is called PROBABILITY.

You all know intuitively that understanding Probability is insufficient. How else do you explain the endless bad beat stories? If Probability were enough, how could there be such a thing as a player who is “too good to win”?

At most Probability will give a preonderance of a chance to win. But why are we taking chances when we do not have to? Why should I waste my time calculating the odds of ending up with the best hand, and risking large sums of money on slight advantages when a better alternative exists?

Any starting hand can win. And flop can hit. Any monster can go bad. The true mastery of poker lies in knowing when that will happen, and in time to make use of the information.

This need has already been perceived by some players. We are all aware of those who have tried, by crude means, to mark cards or compromise the fair dealing of the cards, in order to transcend probability. Many of you even suspect that online players or online poker rooms engage in this practice to line their pockets. But, as I say, such techniques are both crude and unethical compared to what I propose.

Every so-called poker “Pro” will tell you that it is impossible to know what cards will fall ahead of time without cheating, and that therefore, the best a poker player can do is play the percentages and hope for the best. Many of you have gone broke waiting for that hope to be fulfilled. I offer you today a better way. I can show you how to transcend probability, and pierce the veil of the future. Played this way, your all-in with 32, when you’ve already seen that board will be 32KTK3 will put you miles ahead of the “solid player” calling with a “premium hand.”

We all understood this clearly when we were children. Before we allowed Sklansky and the rest to fill our heads with the false gods of math, we knew poker was a game of pyschology and prognostication. It can be one again. And we will be richer for it.

Those with the courage to look beyond the conventional wisdom, and past what they think they know about poker, are invited to join me in the first truly innovative poker strategy discussion in a long time, and the first to set a foot on the correct path.

Warm Regards,
Nicholas Papagiorgio, Esq.

I’m not quite sure what to say about that. I especially liked the 6 card flop. though. It was more or less a redundant, overly-long, flatulently windy post that
wandered all over the map, essentialy said nothing, and went nowhere.

Kind of like my uber posts.

Speaking of which, allow me to mine my archives at G&P for this snippet six months after I quit my job for playing poker.

Anyway, it’s been nearly six months to the day that I quit my job and entered the ranks of playing poker for a living. Do I have any searing insights or observations for you, gentle reader?

Sadly not. It’s mostly about emotionally riding the waves of variance and exercising cold, hard decisions per table/game selection. The latter being different for everyone - I personally prefer loose, aggressive games, but many folks would rather have a tight or passive table. To each their own, but I love loose games like a fat kid loves cake.

Per the job thing - I cant help but think about it, sometimes. It’s like a nagging splinter in the back of my mind. I can’t figure out if it’s residual Catholic guilt or my Protestant work ethic that’s getting in the way. I’m sure the cultural/gender issues of allowing a job/career to define “who you are” is part of it, as well.

But for now, I’m comfortable banging away on Party Poker every day. It’s damn profitable. Although, I’ll admit I’ve been tackling the bigger limit tables at Pacific Poker fairly often . . . I can’t get over how passive the tables are there. It’s as passive as Party is aggressive. Yes, the Pacific software is an abortion, but I think that fact, combined with the fact you can’t multi-table, keeps many sharks away.

Don’t tell anyone.

Back to the gaming thingy - there are alot of correlations between the online gaming community and poker as it relates to cheating. Sad, but true.

Ah, the good old days of rambling drunkeness. Sad to say that’s still going on right now.

I guess I’m almost past my prime, or so says this guy.

How much does poker skill decline with age?

I have always thought that when I get older, I will be able to supplement my 401k/SS with playing poker part-time.

When do poker skills rely degrade? I know that Johnny Moss was one of the best and he died broke.

My grandfather was once a pretty good player, but eventually, he became way too tight of a player and I don’t think he won that much.

Seems that poker mirrors golf. Salad years are 25-40. Then moderate decline until about 65. From then on, who knows.

Definitely not going to rely on poker for my retirement.

Cheers

I don’t care what he says. Poker is still my Plan B, damnit.

My silly state passed an anti-smoking ordnance that forces smokers to be 50 feet (or some shit) away from their building while smoking. Geepers.

But a fellow smoker (and social pariah) in my office sent me this little email that made me chuckle:

–
Lets start smoking at our desks. I’m all for smoke-free rights and all, but at this point we’re relegated to hoofing it down to the riverbanks and even then to a tsk tsk tsk.

Tobacco built your highways and byways bitches. Deal with it.
–

There was a poker robbery last week in New York that didn’t get much attention so I’m pointing it out here, along with a salient point.

Armed bandits take big pot at poker tourney

Franklin Square - Four armed bandits wearing masks held up a Veterans of Foreign Wars hall where a poker fundraiser was being held and made off with a huge pot - about $50,000.

The four gunmen entered the VFW post through a back door around 10:30 p.m. Saturday, police in Franklin Square, Nassau County, said. The hall was hosting a Texas hold ‘em fundraiser with about 80 guests.

The robbers, all armed with handguns, demanded the money collected at the fundraiser and the wallets and cell phones of the guests, who promptly folded and handed them over. No injuries were reported.

The salient point? Read this:

“I’m not saying it would have been better but it might have come out differently at a VFW post in Idaho or Tejas.”

I grew up in NY and vividly recall the hassle I went through to get permission to carry a concealed weapon. So I’m not surprised that the robbers there apparently got little argument from the assembled players.

It would amaze me if 90% of the poker players here in Mississippi did not have a gun on their person or in their vehicle. I don’t know how the law reads, but, as a practical matter, I have never heard of anyone who was ever arrested for having a gun in their car or truck. In fact, the legislature recently amended an old law to extend the “your home is your castle and you can use lethal force to defend it” concept to include your vehicle as a part of your castle.

There are certainly problems with this approach and one size may not fit all
circumstances but I imagine Will’s observation is correct.

Heh. Very correct. That’s why you don’t hear about robberies like this in a place like Kentucky, even with fat and juicy wallets all around. Lots and lots of guns. I used to play in a 20.40 game in Northern Kentucky that prolly had 2/3 of the players with conceal and carry. Any worries of getting robbed were quickly dispersed when a good old boy or two actually “wished” for someone stupid enough to try and hold us up.

Here’s a first person account of someone who was there for the robbery:
Got Robbed at Gunpoint at a Tournament

Damnit, sign up with a new poker site or two through the banner ads here at Pokerworks! Keep sites like this alive - you know you want to.

Destroying Workplace Productivity ain’t as easy as it looks, damnit.
Sign up somewhere new, damnit.

Do I have to show you the type of random fucking weird sites that RGP sends me to in my reading for you?

Sometimes I see posts from folks that have really done their online poker homework. This is one of those posts.

PokerStars is fixed for rake - My Ass

We’ve seen it before and now that PokerStars is getting a lot more traffic due to the new US legislation passed, we’re seeing it quite a bit more. PokerStars is fixing the game to maximize the rake. The online poker sites are already maximizing the amount that they can rake, but more on that later.

All it takes is a minimum amount of research to determine that PokerStars is NOT maximizing the rake. Check the PokerStars website to view the Rake Schedule and then view the statistic in the lobby at the poker room to see what the actual figures are per table at the different levels.

In the $1.00/2.00 level the rake is $0.25 for every $5.00 in the pot.
(maximum rake is 1.00) The average pot at that level in the LIMIT format is $10.00 and never reaches $15.00 (on average). The rake for a $10.00 pot is $0.50. PokerStars never gets the maximum rake of 1.00 on average at the $1.00/2.00 level. If the fix were in with action flops or anything else to get more money in the pot, the pots would be
reaching $20.00 so that they could rake the $1.00 maximum.

In the NO LIMIT format the rake is $0.05 for every $1.00 in pot.
(maximum rake is $3.00) The average pot at that level in the NO LIMIT format is $30.00 on average. The rake on $30.00 is $1.50. PokerrStars never gets the maximum rake of $3.00 on average at these tables either. With $1000.00 on the table in the $1.00/2.00 NL game, Poker Stars can’t even get the NL players to shove in $60.00 with those great action flops to collect that $3.00 maximum rake. Where’s the fix?

In the $2.00/4.00 level the rake is $1.00 @ 20.00 + $1.00 @ 40.00 + $1.00 @ 70.00. (maximum rake is 3.00) The average pot at the $2.00/4.00 level in the LIMIT format is $20.00. The rake on $20.00 is $1.00. PokerStars never gets he max rake of 3.00 on average at this level in the LIMIT format. PokerStars has to be the worst game fixers in history.

In the NO LIMIT format the rake is $0.05 for every 1.00 in pot.
(maximum rake 3.00)
The average pot at this level in the NO LIMIT format is $50.00 on average. The rake for $50.00 is $2.50. PokerStars never gets the max rake of 3.00 on average at these tables either.

In the $3.00/6.00 level the rake is $1.00 @ 20.00 + $1.00 @ 40.00 + $1.00 @ 70.00. (maximum rake is 3.00. The average pot at the $3.00/6.00 level in the LIMIT format is $30.00. The rake on $30.00 is $1.00. PokerStars never gets he maximum rake of 3.00 on average at this level in the LIMIT format

In the $5.00/10.00 level the rake is $1.00 @ 20.00 + $1.00 @ 40.00 + $1.00 @ 70.00. (maximum rake is 3.00. The average pot at the $5.00/10.00 level in the LIMIT format is $50.00. The rake on $50.00 is $2.00. PokerStars never gets he maximum rake of 3.00 on average at this level in the LIMIT format.

I think I need to apply for the job of “game fixer” at PokerStars. I’ll show them how to fix a goddamn game.

Any higher limit game it only takes 2 players calling the flop bet to reach the maximum rake that is reached on any $70.00 pot. So there’s no need to fix for maximum rake at those levels.

If PokerStars is fixing to maximize the rake, they’re not doing too good of a job at it, because they’re not getting it.

Now I said earlier that the online poker sites were already maximizing the amount that they can rake and I promised to come back to that. So here goes.

I don’t have access to PokerStars figures, but I would assume that all of the poker sites operate on the same business model, for the most part and their figures are similar by ratio. I do have access to Party Poker’s (PartyGaming) annual report because as a public company they publish it for viewing. Although the report contains a shitload of information, I only need three figures to prove my point. Dollars
deposited by customers, dollars withdrawn by customers, and revenue (amount raked) earned.

In the Party Gaming annual report for 2005 these three figures are as follows.

Amount deposited by customers $2.7 billion

Amount withdrawn by customers $1.6 billion

Revenues earned $2.4 million DAILY.

Now to put these three figures in perspective I used the first two to come up with a daily average for he purpose of comparing those with the daily revenues to make a point.

The $2.7 billion in annual deposits works out to $7.4 million a day.
The 41.6 billion in annual withdrawn works out to $4.4 million a day.

Now if you subtract the withdrawn money from the money deposited each day, you’re left with $3 million dollars brought into the poker site on a daily basis. Party Poker was raking $2.4 million a day. That would leave $600,000.00 in new money on the site daily.

If what’s left over each day after withdraws is $3 million and Party Poker is taking $2.4 million of that, how much more could they rake and still leave money on the site for the players to play with? If they were to rake more than the $3 million that was left over each day after withdraws, they would begin to eat up all of the funds on the site, and there would be nothing left for the players to play with.

I would imagine PokerStars D/W/R ration is similar.

That’s why say that the poker sites are already maximizing the amount they can get away with raking.

This is the same reason that the poker sites cannot help the bad players. The winning player that makes those daily withdraws, may take a bad beat here and there, but they still win overall. They will still continue withdrawing funds daily, and even a few bad beats will never put them into that daily depositor category. But if the poker site helps the bad player by fixing hands to prevent them from going broke quickly and depositing more funds, they will fuck up that three-figure ratio. The withdraws won’t slow down, the rake stays the same because the action hasn’t changed, and deposits slow down because the bad player isn’t busting out as quick. So the deposit/withdraw ration isn’t as wide, to allow for the rake to be taken from new money, and the site begins taking more rake than is being brought into the site.
Eventually the site dries up.

If you kept up with Party Gaming since the new US law took affect, you heard that they had $180 million in depositors funds. If they were raking $2.4 million a day without the players bringing in new funds, they would have raked that $180 million dollars off the site in 75 days. Kaput.

The RNG is not random? If it’s not random, what is it? FIXED? Fixed for what? Fixed to benefit who?

There is no maximum rake fix and the poker site isn’t helping bad players. So you all better find some new excuses why you lose. It’s not the poker site.

Wow, this was long winded, huh Wayno?

ADIOS!

Yeesh, and I thought I had too much time on my hands.

I have zero clue what TV show this is but it has Nolan Dalla and Stu Ungar’s wife and daughter on it. Tis a tribute show, of sorts, to Stuey.
Stu Ungar Movie on Google video.

It’s true. RGP is beyond saving now. The Moola invite wave of posts was rough to wade through. We almost needed rec.gambling.moola for awhile there.

The death of rgp

Anyone notice that this site is 30% OT, 30% Russ G, 20% no deposit bonus, and only 10% actual poker talk.

I have! Of course, he forgot the other 10% claiming that online poker is rigged.

Oh yeah, for those of you who care, I quit the NANO thingy after reading BG’s stuff.

Someone posted this Full Tilt busto dialogue between Mark Vos and Mike Matusow. Enjoy.

Here was the hand where Vos apparently timed out on when he flopped a set of Ks after reraising Mikey (dialogue follows):

Full Tilt Poker Game #1184814359: Table Hendon (6 max) - $25/$50 - Pot Limit Omaha - 14:34:01 ET - 2006/11/02
Seat 1: Mike Matusow ($24,665)
Seat 2: Arbianight ($16,061.75)
Seat 3: triplewitch ($0), is sitting out
Seat 4: Mark Vos ($12,670.80)
Arbianight posts the small blind of $25
Mark Vos posts the big blind of $50
The button is in seat #1

*** HOLE CARDS ***
AchmedAbdul sits down
Mike Matusow raises to $175
Arbianight folds
AchmedAbdul adds $3,500
Mark Vos calls $125
*** FLOP *** [Kh 4h 7s]
Mark Vos checks
Mike Matusow bets $375

Mark Vos raises to $1,150
Mike Matusow raises to $3,825
Mark Vos raises to $11,850
Mike Matusow raises to $19,875
Mark Vos has 15 seconds left to act
Mike Matusow: wtf
Mark Vos is sitting out
Mark Vos has timed out
Mark Vos folds

Uncalled bet of $8,025 returned to Mike Matusow
Mike Matusow mucks
Mike Matusow wins the pot ($24,074)
*** SUMMARY ***
Total pot $24,075 | Rake $1
Board: [Kh 4h 7s]
Seat 1: Mike Matusow (button) collected ($24,074), mucked
Seat 2: Arbianight (small blind) folded before the Flop
Seat 3: triplewitch is sitting out

Seat 4: Mark Vos (big blind) folded on the Flop

Mike Matusow: omg
Mike Matusow: did he get knocked off line
Dealer: Hand #1184819713
Mike Matusow: wowo bad tim eto diconnect

Dealer: Hand #1184833560
Dealer: AchmedAbdul wins the pot ($99)

Mark Vos: omg
Mark Vos: mike

Mark Vos: omg
Mark Vos: i timed out
Mark Vos: when i reraised u
Dealer: Mike Matusow wins the pot ($299)
Mark Vos: i had a set of KK
Dealer: Hand #1184841851
Mark Vos: omg
Dealer: Arbianight wins the pot ($50)
Dealer: Hand #1184842774

Mark Vos: omg
Mark Vos: omg
Mike Matusow: sick man
Mike Matusow: ihad ks up an dq high flush draw
Mark Vos: omg omg omg
Mark Vos: i just gave u 12k
Mark Vos: omg
Mark Vos: dud
Mark Vos: dude

Mark Vos: my gut
Mark Vos: is wrenched
Mark Vos: mikeeeeeeeeeeee
Mike Matusow: in 2400plo gam e2months ago i got knocked off
with nuts for 60k pot
Mark Vos: @!@$
Mark Vos: whatever man
Mark Vos: u sucked out for me in 52k pot in august
Mark Vos: and now

Mark Vos: take 14k freeroll
Mark Vos: u have K7 or K4?
Dealer: Mark Vos wins the pot ($448)
Dealer: Hand #1184846778
Mike Matusow: what do u want me too do
Mark Vos: omfg
Mike Matusow: mark
Mark Vos: i dont know man
Mark Vos: im sick

Mark Vos: feel like throwing up
Mark Vos: so sick
Mark Vos: i had 600$ left
Mark Vos: yes
Dealer: Mike Matusow has timed out
Mark Vos: in in philipned
Mark Vos: phillipines
Mark Vos: net dropped out
Mike Matusow: happen to me i told ram vaswani i had nuts and

he should give me half back he told me where to go
Mark Vos: i didnt know if the raise went through
Dealer: Mark Vos has 15 seconds left to act
Mark Vos: i was praying the raise didnt happen and i folded
Mike Matusow: i felt sick for u
Mike Matusow: man
Dealer: AchmedAbdul wins the pot ($98)
Dealer: Hand #1184851441
Mark Vos: i thought i folded

Mark Vos: it froze
Mike Matusow: ihad aq4k annd qhigh flush draw
Mark Vos: and i had 13.4k in front of me
Dealer: Mark Vos has 15 seconds left to act
Mark Vos: i had KKJT
Dealer: Mark Vos shows [Ac Qs As Tc]
Dealer: Arbianight shows [Qh Ad 5h Kh]
Mark Vos: no flush
Dealer: Hand #1184854007

Mark Vos: oh my god
Mike Matusow: wowo
Dealer: triplewitch wins the pot ($50)
Dealer: Hand #1184854632
Mark Vos: mikey
Mark Vos: omg
Mike Matusow: yo
Dealer: triplewitch wins the pot ($399)
Dealer: Hand #1184856634

Mark Vos: omgomgomg
Mark Vos: i cant deal right now
Mike Matusow: take a break get back in 30 and we talk
Mark Vos: dude
Mark Vos: im busto
Mark Vos: !###it
Mark Vos: have fun
Dealer: Mike Matusow wins the pot ($98)
Dealer: Hand #1184858750

Dealer: Arbianight wins the pot ($173)
Dealer: Hand #1184860406
Dealer: Mike Matusow shows [4c As 7c 5s] (a flush, Ace high)
Dealer: Mike Matusow wins the pot ($1,123)
Dealer: Hand #1184863794
Dealer: AchmedAbdul wins the pot ($523)
Dealer: Hand #1184866753
Mike Matusow: it breaks even in long run

Also, in case you missed it, Mike the Mouth had a FullTilt sponsored chat back from August. Good gravy, why even post this?
Mike chats with the unwashed masses

Ok, let’s get this out of the way.
Online poker is rigged. I really need to stop posting these.

motherfucking cheaterstars

Motherfucking CheaterStars is absolutely positively beyond any possibility of question cheating their motherfucking asses off. No winning player entertains the possibility that PokerStars isn’t rigging the deal. It is simply a well-known, utterly proven fact that PokerStars is cheating. How do I know? Well for fucking starters when you have AA and the other player had KK the K comes a LOT more than it

would if they were dealing at random. That’s just for starters. The reality is they are fucking cheating pieces of fucking shit. Oh and in case you’re wondering how much I’ve “lost” on PokerStars to say things like that, let me make it clear, I am a winning player. I’ve won many many thousands on PokerStars, and I continue to win, but they manage to tax away about 95% of my winnings by cheating. I’ve won a lot more on PartyCheaters than on CheaterStars but I am overall very far ahead. There is truly no chance that someone could win month in and month out for several years (as I have) without taking into account (as I do) the fact that the sites are dealing rigged bad beats. Fact.

Good god, here’s no point to debating these folks. Even if the people who believe
online poker sites are rigged were allowed to personally inspect every single line of code in the entire site, they’d still think it was rigged.

Illogic has a tremendous power.

By the way, Steve Brecher, who is not associated with PokerStars, did an analysis of about 1000 all-in tournament hands and posted their results here back in 2003.

PokerStars tournament all-in pot equities v. pots won

This next bit is pretty good stuff.

http://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/showthreaded.php?Cat=0&Number=4147270&an=0&page=3#Post4147270

“Reads, reads and more reads,” Hellmuth lectures, confirming my fear. “If you read people great then you can become a great No Limit Hold ’Em player.”

Right. And if you can keep your eye on the ball and have perfect timing, I suppose you can hit 70 homers a year. “Do you read just your opponents’ hands?” Hellmuth asks us. “Or do you also read the bet pattern? Or overall body movement? Or body language?”

Before I can digest these rhetorical challenges, it’s time for the weekend’s main event — the biggest draw beside Hellmuth himself. Recently retired FBI counterespionage agent Joe Navarro is going to lecture to us about reading people — how to take one or two looks at them and figure out if they’re telling the truth. This had been his job for 25 years in postings around the world and now, for a mere $3,500, he’s about to share all that federal expertise ?with us.

You could hear a pin drop as the affable Navarro, with his Giuliani-like bearing and outfitted in his Central Casting gray spook suit, goes through his routine. What a knockdown performance. A full hour on why sunglasses are so cool (not so much because people can’t look into your eyes but more “because they don’t let the other person know what you’re looking at”). Navarro leads us through a tour of “nonverbal tells,” explorations of the neocortex to the limbic brain, to the all-important pacifying behavior versus high-confidence behavior. If you’re pacifying yourself — biting your lip, covering your mouth, straining to keep your feet stable on the floor, rubbing your nose, wrinkling your nostrils, or leaning back in your chair — you’re probably showing weakness. In poker terms, you’re scared to death that someone’s going to call your measly Q-10, or your wired pair of 5s. Watch and see if the guy across from you who’s firing away with big raises is also turning his lips inward. He’s probably bluffing.

“Disappearance of the lips is a sure sign of high stress, a sign that someone’s lying,” Navarro tells us. “Just watch Donald Rumsfeld every time the press comes after him.”

Hey, Navarro was sounding like my kind of fed.

Then there are the converse tells. If you’re leaning forward, if your feet are steady on the floor, if your arms are open wide instead of restricted inward, if your leg is jiggling, if you poke your nose high in the air, if you’re steepling your fingers, if you purse your lips or engage in any other “high-order cognitive displays,” you’re probably feeling pretty ballsy — confident that your pocket pair of Aces or your Big Slick (A-K) is going to successfully suck out all of your opponents’ chips.

“You see some guy sitting there with his hands flat on the table,” Navarro says, diverging from his PowerPoint script, “and then the flop comes out and all of a sudden he steeples his hands, look out! That’s a high-confidence display. Just get out of there! Fold, fold, fold. Fold right away.”

Most important, Navarro teaches us that you can pretty much ignore facial reactions. “Too easy to fake. The most accurate way to look at the body is from the feet up,” he says. “You can fake a smile, but you can’t fake your feet. What we know is that when we are threatened, our feet turn to run away. When we have a good hand, our feet begin to jiggle and then that works its way up our body.”

By the time Agent Navarro finishes his procedural, I’m revved up. Ready to rumble. Prepped to sit down at this afternoon’s camp tournament and read my opponents like they’re 24-point, boldface type. Ready to skewer them like overstuffed, ready-to-burst Thanksgiving turkeys. We will each be given 2,500 chips, and I’m feeling like I can build those into a mountain.

I think I’m done here. If measured by beers quaffed, this truly qualifies as a monster uber post.

Thanks to any and all for reading. Hope it was worth your while.

Again, please consider keeping the lights on here and supporting your deranged poker blogger. I’m not doing this for my health, damnit.

Allow me to leave you with one final post from venerable RGP’r Howard Treesong. There ain’t many left, and he’s one of the good ones.

—–

RGP Essay Entry: Draft Cooked Up On Plane Today

Who are you?
The New Number Two.
Who is Number One?
You Are Number Six.
What Do You Want?
Information.

In the old television show “The Prisoner,” a mysterious cabal

seeks to learn why Patrick McGoohan retired from his job as a secret
agent. To do so, they imprison him in the mysterious Village: a small,
fenced-in town from which he cannot escape. As poker players, our
efforts to retain and acquire information are perhaps less dramatically
involved with guns, prisons, and hot British models, but they are no
less important to our poker lives. Virtually anyone can be taught an
optimal poker style, which is to play few hands but play them
aggressively, to bet the most when you are likely to have an advantage.
Against novices or fools, that is pretty much all you need to do to

win.

But when the stakes get big, the stacks get deep, and the game
gets tough, those basic rules are assumed; everyone either follows them
or knows precisely when to violate them; and the circumstances in which
you can and must deviate entirely depend on your ability to glean and
guard information. If you know your opponent holds a weak hand, you
might check a hand you would normally bet or bet a hand you’d
normally check; in contrast, if you know your opponent is strong, you

might fold a hand with which you’d normally call.

What types of information can we gain? Poker is a game of minds,
and then of cards. Information about who your opponent is, how he
thinks generally, and what he’s thinking at that moment are all
information about what some call the “metagame,” or the game above
the cards themselves. Then, of course, there’s information about the

cards. In is not uncommon to see players (particularly Internet
players who don’t have significant live play experience) fail to
execute card security. I had the great good fortune not long ago to be
sitting next to a young man who showed me every hand he folded.
Another player would occasionally lift a card too high to see it,
bringing a corner into my view.

What types of information do we ourselves give off? We must
occasionally open our showdown hands. Sometimes our betting makes it

very obvious what we’re holding. But sometimes, it’s within our
control. In a moment of companionship or sympathy, we show our
opponent a hand we’re folding. Sometimes, you’ll be playing next
to an acquaintance or friend, and want him to see the injustice you
suffered when the board comes four connected spades to your red Aces,
so you show him those, too. And all too often, we react to play at the
table in one way or another, giving others precious metagame

information about ourselves.

One example of came from a hand against Patty Gallagher in a cash
game at the World Series this year, I had about $5000 in front of me,
and she had the same. Playing 10-20 blinds, she smooth called from
third position; a man behind her called, and I raised it to 80 on the
button with JcTc. Gallagher and MP called. Flop came As Kc 5d. All
of us checked. A beautiful sweet Q came off on the turn. Gallagher
bets the size of the pot: about 250. Middle-man calls and I make it
750. Gallagher raises to 1500. Middleman in more ways than one thinks

a moment, then calls all-in for 1300 of the 1500. Patty’s action is
back to me: I immediately move in for 3500 more. Gallagher doesn’t
even think about it and calls right away. Before she shows her hand,
I’m virtually certain she has 55 in the hole and say, “Patty, you
want to make a deal? You know you’re worse than 3:1 in this spot.”
She responds, “I don’t know about that, but I do have a set. No

deals” and rolls over her 55. The man in the middle shows an offsuit
JT, just like mine. This dialog is a gold mine. Patty was totally
genuine about telling me she had no ability to determine her basic odds
against her opponents in that spot. The hands were easy to read: one
of us had to have JT and the other either another JT or pair QQ-AA.
The turn action defines the hands so well that the only issue in my
mind was whether the man in the middle had topset or the JT. And me?
I put in two raises against a huge stack against a guy who’d just

called off his entire 1150 stack against the third raise.

If Patty knows one of us has JT against her 55, it’s pretty easy
to see that she’s about a 3.5 to one dog. If one of us has JT and the
other an overset, she’s drawing about as thin as it gets. And if
it’s JT and AK/AQ/KQ, the two overpair counterfeit out four of her
boat cards, screwing her that way too.

But what do I know now? Unless she goes back and changes her

basic playing style, I know she won’t do math. I leave it to the
reader to determine how best to exploit such a player. For example,
suppose you flop top pair and suspect (from a preflop limp from late
position, say) that Patty is on a flush draw. What should you bet? If
Andy Bloch or Chris Ferguson were your opponents, what might you do
differently?

I got deep at the 2000 LH at the World Series. With about forty
players left, I was in the small blind, playing 1500-3000. UTG raised,

UTG+1 raised, and a younger, slimmer version of the Unabomber in the
six seat three-bet it. When the action was folded to me and I found
black aces, I capped it off. The two early players mucked, but the
Unabomber called. 26000 or so in the pot to a 9 5 6 flop. I bet; he
called. 29000. I bet out the 8 turn card and he raised; I three-bet.
47000 in the middle. I bet the T river, and I was not pleased when he
raised his one case 1000 chip and rolled over TT. I don’t remember
saying anything, but I do remember is standing up and stalking away

from the table, five hands before a break, clearly and visibly furious.

On the break, I went to find a friend of mine playing satellites.
I told him the story of the hand. He was sympathetic, but that
didn’t help much. Overhearing my story, however, was an RGP friend
of mine, Tanya Peck. Tanya was, as they say, three (or perhaps four)
sheets to the wind. It is rare that in vino there really is veritas,
but instead of instead of sympathizing, Patty said this: “Huh? What
the fuck is your problem, Howard? You’ll get no sympathy here, and

you don’t need it. Put it back in the goddamned deck, let that
pisswater go right under the bridge, and play the next damn hand. Play
it like you know how. And have a damn beer.” Tanya isn’t always
artful, but here, I felt like I’d been shot with a crystal bullet.
By the time I got back to the table, Amstel Light in hand, I’d
determined to simply play effective poker.

Three hands in, I found JJ on the button. John Myung, three seats
to my right, raised. I three-bet and he called. No suits, dangerous
connectors, or overcards on the board: He checked; I bet. Myung
called. Same action to the Q turn, but he came out firing when a 2 hit
the river. I thought for a moment and called. He showed 22 and took
down a nice pot. The next day, when we were waiting for the final
table to begin, he took me aside and said: “Howard, sorry about the
ducks. I never would have played it that way, but I was just so damn

sure you were steaming off because of the Aces.” I smiled, and said
“no problem.” And I didn’t have a problem with it, either: 80+
per cent of the time, he’s giving me four big bets, calling all the
way down with two deuces.

Both of these examples demonstrate the impact of metagame
information on your decisionmaking. I’m very comfortable playing in

cash games with Patty; I can say I haven’t lost a pot to her since.
And I’m not above expressing some significant frustration that I
don’t quite feel (well, not when Tanya’s around, anyway) to get
guys thinking that I’m playing quite a bit looser than I actually am.

In The Prisoner, a sign in the background of the Village says,
“”A still tongue makes a happy life.” That isn’t fully apropos

here, but it’s not a bad basic rule to follow.

-Howard Treesong

——————

Link of the Day:
Prisoners Love Fruit Roll-Ups

Prison life in Barbados was two parts Oz and one part MacGyver, from the account of former cocaine drug mule Terry Donaldson:

It was the night after the day when oranges and bananas had been given out that the real trouble began. After the fruit had been delivered, many people started to scrape the inside of the skins off their fruit. This they then dried in the thin rays of the sun that actually streamed down from the ceiling onto the floor, throughout the day. They would have to get up and move their skins as the sun’s ray moved across the floor, but by the end of the day they were ready to ‘roll’, which is precisely what they did.

They rolled these skins up as a kind of herb, using the white paper from the food bags as a skin. From a ‘thunder box’ which the two Surinam guys smuggled in, they were able to produce a light. Then, great heavy clouds of this obnoxious smoking mixture were filling the air. Even being around while it got smoked by others made you feel ‘trippy’, i.e. gave a slightly ‘weird’ feel and look to everything.

—

Bonus Video Link of the Day:
Hold My Calls, I’m Blogging

This entry was posted on Thursday, November 30th, 2006 at 12:22 am and is filed under Uncategorized.