Angst

I seem to be on a word kick. So, here you go again, compliments of Wikipedia: Angst is a Germanic word for fear or anxiety. It is used in English to describe an intense feeling of emotional strife. In German, it is the fear of possible suffering and a behavior resulting from uncertainty and strain which is caused by pain, loss, and death. The term Angst distinguishes itself from the word Furcht (German for “fear”) in that Furcht usually refers to a material threat (arranged fear), while Angst is usually a nondirectional emotion.

Now I’m not sure the title shouldn’t be Furcht. But, that’d be even more obscure. Our angst might be directional at times.

I wasn’t sure what to write about this morning. Then Jordan encapsulated a lot of my feelings from the last day. The title says it all, The State of My Poker. It could be “A Man without a Country” or whatever. We all have our State of the Union blogs from time to time. The word variance gets thrown around.

Since yesterday, I’ve managed to dump a number of buyins. My fault? The cards fault? Quite a bit of both. You think you have a game and it manages to disappear or “the donkeys” always get there. If I’d played better I’d still have been down but not as much. That is significant.

We’re always making the comparison of poker to life. It valid but it doesn’t quite tell it all. Life runs at a slower pace. Unless we’re on speed, we have time to reflect. Our poker life runs on fast forward. In a session we’ll end up making or accepting major change. Joy of self can turn to loathing in an instant.

As you know, I’m playing a lot of stud. I was chatting with Felicia yesterday about it. She’s a better stud player than I am – DUHH! And she has angst too. As my ups and downs indicate, the game carries a lot of variation. The rushes are a joy. She feels she doesn’t profit enough from them and that is her angst. I have a similar feeling. The big wins seem offset by more big losses.

I might need to really study things better. But, the reason I play at these levels is that I don’t have to. I think I recognize the weak parts about as well as I would if I poured over hand histories like many do. But that wouldn’t reach the goals I have against the time and effort of the exercise. It is a donk move but that it. If I succumbed to that allure, the agnst would likely square.

Jordan codifies his goals. It is a longer term strategy than mine. My goals seem session based. I should, therefor, have less angst but I’m not sure that’s right either. I do think I’m better than most at putting a bad session behind me though. Possibly another fool’s dream but I think that is a strength I have. (Gotta have one, right?)

We all have our moments of sharkdom followed by being bait fish. It can’t be avoided. The trick seems only that you must move forward with a confidence that is often shakier than we’d like. Even with the ups and downs, you have to look forward to: Next Hand, Dealer.

So, here today’s blog finishes. Probably the 10,000^th poker blog on the subject. And, the answer is still up in the air.

ADDENDUM:

Well, it is continuing to slip at the stud tables. Now down about 5 buyins for two days. I think I need a break but I also want to clear one more bonus chunk. Getting close on that and will think about taking some time off then.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, November 14th, 2007 at 4:00 pm and is filed under Journal. Responses are currently closed, but you can trackback from your own site.