Switching Gears

Changes needed to be made. Bad habits erased.

Poker? Nah. My beer gut.

I am currently sporting a look my friend Donny calls “Skinny Fat Guy.” I’m long and slender everywhere, except my gut, which is expanding because of the ill effects of alcohol and a too sedentary lifestyle. Worse, the fatty deposits are now gathering above my hip bones, in the back. The dreaded back fat.

This really shouldn’t be surprising. My workout regimen was virtually nil. Last week, I got piss drunk at the Dodger game on a Tuesday, downing a lot of liquid calories and carbs. Then, on the way home, I bought a beef burrito, which I chugged just moments before going to bed. Waking up at 4 a.m. with 3/4 of a burrito lodged in your upper esophagus is not a pleasent experience. The burning was like I’d swallowed some gasoline. I’d have not done well near an open flame.

I drank beer pretty much every night last week, varying levels. Then Saturday was AJ’s party and I had lots of pizza and cake. Then, on Sunday, I really took gluttony to new levels.

For breakfast, I had a California Omlette. Three eggs, bacon (natch), avocado and cheese. With hashbrowns and hot, buttered sourdough toast action. Then AJ and I went to the cinema to see “The Simpsons Movie,” where I dominated a large popcorn and Sprite. Amazingly, AJ was hungry post-film, so we stopped at Weinerschnitzel. Even though I was pretty full, I crushed a couple chili-cheese dogs anyway. It was only 3 p.m.

For dinner, I finished off the leftover pizza from his party and then AJ and I took turns lifting big spoonfuls of Strawberries & Cream ice cream straight from the carton.

I might have died if I didn’t have to go take a shower. I was appalled. “Skinny Fat Guy,” indeed. And, sadly, this is a pretty fair reflection of many weeks in my life lately as far as consumption and laziness. 

Fortunately, the next item on the post-shower agenda was grocery shopping. Suffice to say, the list was rather different from the usual. For example, yesterday, I ate the following:

Breakfast: 1 slice toasted whole wheat bread. Dry.

Mid-morning snack: 1/2 grapefruit, raw

Lunch: Turkey on whole wheat. No mayo. One carrot. Two celery sticks.

Mid-afternoon snack: 1 Granny Smith Apple

Dinner: 1 chicken breast, skinless. Brown rice.

Nowhere in that diet existed a drink other than water. After my early dinner, I put in a 45-minute workout, my third this week. I’ve had no booze. No coffee. No sugar. No cigarettes (interesting that I don’t worry about smokes when I’m fucking hungry all the time).

I’m still a skinny fat guy. But I feel a million times better already. I look forward to getting sweaty with the weights and cardio. I’m adjusting to the new schedule. I think my biggest issue with the program so far is how stupid I feel ordering egg whites in the cafeteria.

I’d like to say I’ve been inspired by others in the blogosphere who’ve decided get healthier. But, as much as I admire them, it’s all my own Ego raising up the other night and saying, “Dude, you’re fucking gross.”

Motivation is where you find it.