Joe Speaker

I’m feeling way too hungover to live blog the Event, but I’ll provide periodic updates, say, on the hour. If we make it to Hour Four or so, I’ll hopefully be able to be more verbose. Currently starting the Hair of the Dog phase, so I’ll let you know how that turns out.

The specifics: 4372 runners. $1,311,600 pool. 585 places paid. 3K starting chips and 15(!) min. levels starting at 15/30.

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I hadn’t realy planned to play much poker this weekend. But then I won the seat to today’s FTOPS Event and felt like I needed to work some dormant muscles–the ones that don’t correspnd to donkitude–and played the $28K Guaranteed on Full Tilt last night.

I think. Recall is fuzzy, but I’ve got some scars that prove I was there.

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Looks like I’ve got a date with some big money on Sunday.

Sweat me, won’t you?

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Logged on to the poker machine quite innocently last night and quickly found myself sucked in. Not playing, but watching.

The Princess was rolling along in FTOPS Event #2 on Full Tilt, $200+16 HORSE.

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Changes needed to be made. Bad habits erased.

Poker? Nah. My beer gut.

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Being that we are logical, astute people, we resist the urge to scream “Fixed!” when our opponent makes an idiotic play on a flop where they have no business treading, but makes perfect-perfect to bust us. The tin-foil-topped hue and cry is fun to watch, but less interesting to join. It’s one long session and math rules and while it’s easy to blame the inanimate RNG, this kind of stuff is going to happen.

Which makes it difficult for me to join the conspiracy nuts. But the evidence I’m about to submit is cut and dried. I have to say it:

Mario Party 8 is rigged. Totally rigged.

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In the time I’ve been playing poker, rarely have I seen two hands played so poorly in my life. It boggles that these people exist.

Still, I’m a big fan.

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I went to see a show last night. The Barry Bonds Traveling Circus made a stop at Dodger Stadium for the opener of a three-game set.

Emotions were high and the hometown faithful showed a level of hatred usually reserved for the parking lot attendents.

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Instead of reading this post with the mind-set of “Jesus, Speaker’s talking about losing at poker again. I can’t stand it,” it might be more palatable if you enjoy the fly on the wall aspect of watching lousy people play lousy poker and laugh at them, as I eventually was able to do after brief Incredulity Tilt.

Or, if you want, I can just sing for you, the same way I serenaded several dealers later in the evening. I don’t know when it happened, but I now tend to sing when I get drunk.

You’ve been completely warned.

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I signed on to Full Tilt last night to check out the action in the Battle of the Bloggers Freeroll and…well…I’m an addict, so I decided to play some myself, since I didn’t qualify for the A-List Tourney.

And I ruined it for everybody.

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