One of my favorite songs is by Buddy Holly and is called Raining in My Heart. I listen to it everyday because it matches what my heart feels like. The sun is out, the sky is blue but in my heart it is constant rain. Buddy is a big favorite of mine and I have read everything I can about him. What he accomplished in 22 short years is nothing short of amazing to me.
Without Buddy there would be no Beatles, Rolling Stones, Bob Dylan and the list goes on and on. I can’t even imagine what the history of music would have been had there been no Buddy. Hard to believe the 50th anniversary of the fatal plane crash that took Buddy, J.P. Richardson “The Big Bopper” and Richie Valens is coming up in a few days, February 3rd. Then two days later will be Monta’s 59th birthday which I will celebrate, I just haven’t thought about how I will honor that special day. No, I don’t think a person has to be alive to celebrate the day they were born. It is a special day for me because if that day hadn’t taken place, I wouldn’t have had 11 years of joy.
Yesterday started the first day of the rest of my life when I dropped off Monta’s daughter and new husband at the airport. For three weeks I was so busy and had so much company I was never really alone. It is impossible to start the process of getting on with life and figuring out what to do when you have people around all the time. Of course I spent it crying and watching the video the kids had made of Monta’s life. It is all a healing process and the wound is still open and raw. It will never ,ever fully heal and scar over, and I don’t expect it to, I just know in time it will not be so tender to the touch.
Sunday I managed to spare some time and play in the PokerWorks Family HORSE tourney but I don’t remember any of it. I was just trying to force myself back into something familiar and be with friends. It didn’t work well as I couldn’t bring myself to join in the chatter and act normal. Nothing right now for me is normal because I can’t concentrate on anything including poker. For many poker players sitting at a table is an escape from reality, much like losing yourself in a TV show. I wish I could be that way but I can’t, poker is serious to me and takes too much thinking, something I am not doing very well at these days.
I want to say a big thank you to all of you who have showered me with love, prayers and support. You know who you are and you have been there with me throughout this ordeal and continue your friendship even now. On the top of this list is Linda, who is always there with a big shoulder and tender words whenever I need them, not to mention an inhuman amount of patience with me. Thank you my dear friend, I love you.
For anyone who wishes to read Monta’s obit here is the link. It took me four days to write it then the paper screwed it up so I demanded they republish it – corrected -