PokerWorks

Here are my predictions for this year’s WSOP. Turn your sarcasm meter on.

#1 – Annie Duke will proclaim that the RNG was rigged on the Celebrity Apprentice. Ultimate Bet will avow they have no knowledge of any tampering or impropriety on their site.

#2 – Phil Hellmuth will show up to the Main Event wearing a pink tutu and being accompanied by 12 male strippers.

#3 – Phil Ivey will win/lose more money betting on the Lakers in the NBA Finals than he will win/lose playing poker.

#4 – Daniel Negreanu will pose for approximately 6 million photographs with railbirds, smiling as if it was his first fan photo each time.

#5 – Doyle Brunson will receive a standing ovation when he is eliminated from the Main Event (I'm such a psychic I know).

#6 – Someone, ok make that lots of someones, will fall asleep at their table. Even money on whether it is Jeff Madsen, Mark Vos, or Antonio Esfandiari.

#7 – A poker player we have never heard of will win the WSOP Main Event.

#8 – No woman (unfortunately) will make the final table of the WSOP Main Event.

#9 – Elvis will come back from the dead to kick off the Main Event with a heart stirring rendition of Viva Las Vegas.

#10 – Jennifer Tilly will play in one event and after being eliminated due to a horrible play will state “I'm going back to acting.” Oh wait.

#11 – Shannon Elizabeth will play in one event and after being eliminated due to a horrible play will state “I'm going back to acting.” Oh wait.

#12 – Jean Robert Bellande will play in fifty events and after being eliminated due to horrible plays in each one of them will state “I'm going to try out for Survivor.” Oh wait.

#13 – A member of the media will run in fear for his life after Jennifer Tilly, Shannon Elizabeth, and Jean Robert Bellande come after him for making not completely true (although fairly accurate) statements about their poker playing capabilities.

#14 – Erick Lindgren will win his 2nd bracelet.

#15 – Phil Hellmuth will not win a bracelet. There will be plenty of reasons for this failure and he'll be glad to tell anyone who listens what they are. Especially his wife, “Hey, Honey!”

#16 – Neither will Johnny Chan or Doyle Brunson.

#17 – Daniel Negreanu will though.

#18 – Beth Shak, Evelyn Ng, Maria Ho, Tiffany Marie, Erica Schoenberg, Liz Lieu, Isabelle Mercier, Clonie Gowen, Vanessa Rousso, Kristy Gazes, Sandra Naujoks, and Vicky Coren participate in the highly anticipated “Women in Poker 2009 Swimsuit Calendar.”

#19 – Gavin Smith, Erik Seidel, Men The Master, Dan Harrington, Freddy Deeb, Greg Raymer, Humberto Brenes, Andy Bloch, John Gale, Amir Vahedi, Chau Giang, and David Sklansky participate in the highly anticipated “Men in Poker 2009 Swimsuit Calendar.”

#20 – Not a prediction, but I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.