PokerWorks

God bless my toddler, but man, sometimes he sure can be whiny. Part of that only seems that way because he's up against twin, infant sisters, so Mom and Dad's patience is pretty darn thin already. Especially Daddy's! But he's also earned that reputation. We don't let him go outside to swing for the 478th time that day? Temper tantrum! We don't let him have his fifth cookie at dinner? Temper tantrum! We don't let him watch his fourth hour of "Little Einsteins?" Tantrum!

Jayden, in fact, reminds me of far too many poker players I run into online. They whine, usually irrationally, about all kinds of things. What they don't seem to understand is many of the things they whine about are more their fault than the "bad luck" that seems to haunt them.

Let's take a look at what my toddler would say if he played poker, and ways to avoid those situations in the first place. And if you think I'm getting all high and mighty on you, pointing my finger from Mount Poker (I don't think that's a mountain, but if it is I'm climbing it), then think again. The main reason I know enough to write an article on this subject is because I'm guilty of being a poker toddler myself.

* "I never win a race" - This is my favorite thing to whine about, other than bad beats (and what poker player doesn't like to whine about bad beats). But races are just what they sound like, a pure gamble for most or all of your chips. You're supposed to be a poker player, a modicum of skill, a tournament stud who plays Full Tilt while balancing spread sheets, right? Then why continue to get involved in races?

Races are avoidable in the early-to-middle stages of a tournament and completely avoidable in cash games (if you're racing in cash games, you're a losing player, period). I started winning more tournaments when I avoided them as much as possible. If you're calling an all-in with a small pair, like 7-7, probably the best you can hope for is a race. If you're shoving with A-Q, you hope you're racing. So why are you doing it?

Players who race early on in tournaments do it for two reasons. They either don't have much confidence in their post-flop skills, or they're tired of someone shoving on them all the time. Work on your post-flop play, as it's the only way to win cash games, and wait for a good spot to bust the guy who keeps shoving on your raises. Look, I know races are unavoidable near the end of tournaments. But you get to the end by avoiding races as much as you can.

* "I never win with pocket Aces" - I start drooling when I hear a player say this. It usually means one of two things:

1. They're slow-playing them way too much. A-A is the best starting hand in poker. It becomes a pair after the flop. Play it hard until you are told otherwise by your opponents. You should never, ever slow play pocket Aces, or else you'll never win with them.

2. They're overplaying them. It's only a pair after the flop. And you should never go broke with one pair.

* "I never get good cards" - Then stop relying on them so much. Make some bluffs. Also, what's that saying about one man's trash is another man's treasure? Wow, I think I got it on my first try. Try playing a wider range of hands. You'll only get A-A once in every 200 hands or so after all. Quit playing so tight.

* "I never win with A-K" or "A-K never hits for me" or "I hate A-K" - A-K is a drawing hand. It's not a made hand. I like A-K, I really do, but I'm willing to break up it with all the time if it doesn't hit. You'll get it again, and when you do, maybe that beautiful K-4-9 rainbow is right around the corner.

* "I never flop a set" - It's hard to flop a set. You'll only get one once every eight flops. That's why sets are so cool. Ultimate Bet seems to love to give me sets, while Poker Stars seems to be stingy on them. At any rate, keep playing those small pairs, even to small raises, and you'll get your set. The odds say you will eventually.

* "When will MY draws hit?" - The siren song of those of us in a downswing. This tells me two things:

1. You're playing too many draws. You should only play draws when you're getting the odds to play them. If someone raises in front of you and another player pops the raiser, it's time to fold. But if someone bets $1 into a $5 pot, sure, go ahead and play your draw. If you're not into figuring percentages, try to remember this simple tip. It's not a great idea to play draws unless you're getting at least 3-1 on your money.

2. You're not betting people off their draws. If you're betting $1 into a $5 pot, you're giving people odds to draw. Bet the pot when you've got a pair. If you want to slow play your set, fine, but be prepared to fold when that third spade comes in and your opponent starts spamming the raise button like Jayden hits his tool bench toy.

* "I always get sucked out on" - No, you don't. Yeah, suck outs suck. I hate suck outs. I LOVE to type this in the chat box. But you're not always losing when you've got the best hand. Make sure you're betting people off their draws, and if you are, and you keep getting a good portion of your chips in when you're ahead, it means you're a good player, and good players eventually do win. If I didn't believe that, I wouldn't play. Neither should you.

* On the other hand, if you say "I never get to suck out" - Then that means you're a good player. Good players usually get their money in when they are ahead. But it may also mean you never, ever take chances. Poker should be a game of calculated risk. If you're never taking a chance, you'll never win much money. I'm not saying you should get your money in bad. I am saying you shouldn't always wait for the absolute nuts to get your chips in the middle. I'm really guilty of this too. I hardly ever get to suck out. Now I'm whining.

If you say "I never" or "I always" a lot, you may be a poker toddler. Believe me, I've been there too. I still find myself acting like Jayden from time to time at the tables. I only wish I had his energy instead of his occasional attitude.